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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

#3842566
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36085) - you deserved it (95292)

On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

#3799026
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36553) - you deserved it (4779)

On 07/16/2009 at 10:59am - misc - by MadMax (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me because "god told him to." What god didn't tell him was that I would check his e-mail and find all the e-mails to and from his new girlfriend. FML

#3797980
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45539) - you deserved it (5602)

On 07/16/2009 at 9:44am - love - by hrtbrkn (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife gave me back my camera which she took on vacation to visit her parents with our 2-year old. I noticed the picture sequence had big gaps in the numbering. I ran an undelete on the card, and found 80+ pictures of her naked with another guy in her mom's bedroom. FML

#3792104
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92921) - you deserved it (4796)

On 07/16/2009 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got pulled over for the first time. When the officer came up to my window, I immediately burst out into tears due to nervousness. He kept asking me for my licence and registration. Hysterical, I wasn't able to comply. He arrested me for not cooperating. FML

#3783487
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19487) - you deserved it (50199)

On 07/15/2009 at 7:55pm - misc - by daisyann (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit and she screamed "Don't touch me there!". Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML

#3782569
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45297) - you deserved it (6535)

On 07/15/2009 at 7:22pm - kids - by shway (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to shower, his mother slams a pair of underwear on the table and tells me that if she ever finds something like that in her son's room again, she is forbidding him from seeing me. The underwear isn't mine. FML

#3756487
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53162) - you deserved it (2158)

On 07/14/2009 at 8:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a pet store to adopt a dog. I got a medium sized lab, a dog crate, and a few toys, then put his crate in the back of my truck and the dog in his crate. On the way home I realized I forgot dog bowls and some dog food. I went back, and when I got back out to my truck, my dog was gone. My stereo too. FML

#3739737
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48721) - you deserved it (7716)

On 07/14/2009 at 4:55am - animals - by doggone (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML

#3723567
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8341) - you deserved it (59724)

On 07/13/2009 at 6:18pm - misc - by iJehx (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while deleting my ex-fiancée's account off my computer, I saved her pics. I found one of her with her now boyfriend in our bedroom. FML

#3712124
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54771) - you deserved it (3933)

On 07/13/2009 at 7:16am - intimacy - by RDMdragoon (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. Less than two minutes later, he decided he wasn't ready for the commitment. After I had already said yes. FML

#3673670
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50227) - you deserved it (2350)

On 07/11/2009 at 7:11pm - love - by ollie_ollivia (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML

#3669335
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48153) - you deserved it (7979)

On 07/11/2009 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by policeopenup (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my younger brother, who is 15, had to show me the quickest way to take off a woman's bra. I'm 12 years older than he is. FML

#3642336
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45576) - you deserved it (12422)

On 07/10/2009 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by nerd_man01 (man) - United States (Texas)



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