FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2010 at 2:58am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends were all sharing sweet things their boyfriends had shared with them. After hearing "he says I look pretty without makeup" or "he promises we'll get married one day", I realized that the only compliment he's given me is that my laughter "sounds like a squirrel having a seizure." FML

by 86145 / 08/16/2010 at 1:03am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I put on makeup for a picture. My Facebook profile picture. That's how much of a life I actually have. FML

by Lifeless / 08/15/2010 at 4:42am / United States (Texas) / Geek

Today, I found my old sewing machine I got when I was a kid. I never used it before, because when I was younger, I was afraid I might sew my fingers. Laughing at myself, I decided to sew up an old bag. I sewed my thumb. FML

by Jorgina226 / 08/11/2010 at 12:33pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my best friend is moving to Arkansas, and my girlfriend is going with him. FML

by LadyGagasLOVER / 08/08/2010 at 4:49am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I decided to clear up some storm damage. I carefully cut a tree that was threatening to fall on my house. It fell on my neighbor's house instead. He's taking me to court for damages. FML

by Zinfandel / 08/07/2010 at 2:04am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair... with her cousin. FML

by Drew / 08/05/2010 at 1:18am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, some jerk super glued leaves and a note onto my car's front windshield. Not only is it directly in front of the driver's seat and makes it nearly impossible to drive, but it won't come off. What makes it worse? I was spending the night at a friend's house and the note was meant for her. FML

by Mustang / 08/04/2010 at 9:13pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I was the love of his life. Afterwards, he clarified his statement. I was the love of his life, because I was in his life at that moment. FML

by robm / 07/26/2010 at 4:15pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my husband left for a two-week trip. Last night he gave the dog a treat of steak fat and gristle. My treat? I am on bed rest with my pregnancy and helpless to stop the rancid dog farts that are silent and smell like a burning septic tank exploded. FML

by fartingdogprego / 07/23/2010 at 9:18am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

by justmyluck25 / 07/23/2010 at 8:59am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, while taking pictures by the pool, my friend wanted to use my camera. I told her to put the wrist strap on so it wouldn't fall into the pool. She dropped the camera while trying to put the strap on. FML

by Me. / 07/23/2010 at 1:58am / United States (Texas) / Geek

Today, I discovered that my cleaning lady steals valuables from me, and covered it up by saying that "the vacuum must've eaten it." FML

by lauren / 07/08/2010 at 12:51am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous