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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML

#4779323
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33718) - you deserved it (16805)

On 08/24/2009 at 5:57am - intimacy - by Mattyboy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my Mom had taken out a loan out on my car from the repo man taking my car away. FML

#4712863
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26951) - you deserved it (2078)

On 08/21/2009 at 4:44pm - money - by jonhapimp (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML

#4677769
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38082) - you deserved it (4793)

On 08/20/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by GroosedOut (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend took me out to meet his friends. It was going really well until I left to use the bathroom and two of the girls with us came in and started talking about how creepy Matt's new girlfriend is and that they're happy he's going to dump her. My boyfriend is Matt. FML

#4647409
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44970) - you deserved it (3208)

On 08/19/2009 at 1:55am - love - by fuuuudge (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

#4619260
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72601) - you deserved it (5798)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

#4591074
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47554) - you deserved it (2719)

On 08/17/2009 at 1:43am - love - by TrophyGirlfriend (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that just because you collapse from dehydration on the sidewalk, it doesn't mean people are going to stop driving to see if you're okay, even if they saw you fall. FML

#4477609
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44300) - you deserved it (6268)

On 08/12/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Lasko (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after selling their car, my parents decided to inform me that my car (that I paid for myself) is now going to be the "Family Car". They also informed me that since it is, after all, my car, I'll still have to pay for the gas and maintenance. FML

#4429159
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80925) - you deserved it (4122)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:05pm - misc - by thanksforthat (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

#4425556
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12123) - you deserved it (50504)

On 08/10/2009 at 10:34am - misc - by klutz (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the movies with my best friend. While waiting for it to start, I went on to describe this guy I really liked and how badly I wanted to do him. Just then the girl sitting behind us leans down and says "That's my little brother. So you're the creeper he talks about." FML

#4420726
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15045) - you deserved it (52539)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:12am - love - by HouseMdFangirl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML

#4397951
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33169) - you deserved it (13562)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:22am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML

#4350390
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23275) - you deserved it (59358)

On 08/07/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by scaredshitless (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said I remind her of her dad. FML

#4346574
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73061) - you deserved it (6666)

On 08/06/2009 at 10:03pm - love - by Jeremy (man) - United States (Texas)



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