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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML

#5504696
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35723) - you deserved it (14759)

On 09/27/2009 at 11:52am - misc - by cockroach (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had my first day off in weeks. I was excited about getting to sleep in, until my boss called me at 6:30 in the morning to remind me I didn't have to come into work. Thanks. FML

#5482829
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35016) - you deserved it (2788)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:30am - work - by NoSleep (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, an old friend that I never really liked invited me to lunch while she was in town. While driving back to her car, I couldn't find my phone, so she offered to call it. She found it under the passenger seat and also saw that when she called, her name came up as "Sabrina-IGNORE". FML

#5480779
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7033) - you deserved it (56236)

On 09/26/2009 at 4:05am - misc - by veggocake (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found my two best friends making out with each other. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. Today was my wedding day. One of the friends was my maid of honor, the other was my groom. FML

#5466337
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68132) - you deserved it (3453)

On 09/25/2009 at 1:42pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

#5463165
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21511) - you deserved it (2942)

On 09/25/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by lone_ranger (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that being rhythmically challenged really really sucks. I was trying to dance around sexily for my girlfriend, and I was doing that one move where you thrust your pelvis forward, and swing you hand from side to side. I hit myself in the nuts. FML

#5460176
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6482) - you deserved it (21737)

On 09/25/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Dumbfuck (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that my coach doesn't close the door and the blinds to perform half-naked body checks (to make sure his team is in shape) on anyone else but me. FML

#5424616
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43374) - you deserved it (4234)

On 09/23/2009 at 7:28am - misc - by MaKaDa - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house for the first time. I had to use the restroom, and when I came back, I mocked her brothers' lame Pokémon shower curtain and Ninja Turtle towels. Turns out they were hers. FML

#5383572
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7742) - you deserved it (56347)

On 09/20/2009 at 10:28pm - love - by newlydumped (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a weight loss 'before and after' advertisement and I wished I could at least look like the 'before'. FML

#5301983
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33078) - you deserved it (21562)

On 09/16/2009 at 9:43pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML

#5247807
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39826) - you deserved it (5960)

On 09/14/2009 at 5:56am - misc - by alphabetman (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML

#5164209
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44590) - you deserved it (4221)

On 09/10/2009 at 3:51am - kids - by Udxero (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML

#5065139
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70184) - you deserved it (2898)

On 09/05/2009 at 6:11pm - kids - by WTF (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was awakened by the sound of chain-saws. Moments later a tree branch came through my roof. FML

#5040554
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42289) - you deserved it (1822)

On 09/04/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by 1ndustrytx (man) - United States (Texas)



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