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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML

#5554431
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6121) - you deserved it (27500)

On 09/29/2009 at 8:48pm - intimacy - by pummy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was drinking in the park with my friends. Being drunk, I relieved myself on a nearby tree. Unknown to me, a 4 year old was having her birthday party 100 yards away. I was arrested for public intoxication and exposing myself to a minor. FML

#5543214
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8745) - you deserved it (65677)

On 09/29/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I open my front door and saw a covered basket with a card from my girlfriend on it. I picked it up and read, "Hope this cheers you up." I uncovered the basket to find a golden labrador puppy. Its eyes were closed and it wasn't breathing. FML

#5541044
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65422) - you deserved it (2677)

On 09/29/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by rainedaddy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my husband I wanted a divorce. He told me he didn't. End of discussion. FML

#5525273
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40520) - you deserved it (16287)

On 09/28/2009 at 11:14am - misc - by jentown11 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met my boyfriend's father for the first time. We were at a restaurant and my bofriend kept playing footsie with me under the table. When my boyfriend excused himself to go to the restroom, the game of footsie was still going on. FML

#5519699
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46481) - you deserved it (3952)

On 09/28/2009 at 12:10am - misc - by ohcrap (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML

#5504696
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35692) - you deserved it (14754)

On 09/27/2009 at 11:52am - misc - by cockroach (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had my first day off in weeks. I was excited about getting to sleep in, until my boss called me at 6:30 in the morning to remind me I didn't have to come into work. Thanks. FML

#5482829
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34980) - you deserved it (2787)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:30am - work - by NoSleep (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, an old friend that I never really liked invited me to lunch while she was in town. While driving back to her car, I couldn't find my phone, so she offered to call it. She found it under the passenger seat and also saw that when she called, her name came up as "Sabrina-IGNORE". FML

#5480779
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7025) - you deserved it (56201)

On 09/26/2009 at 4:05am - misc - by veggocake (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found my two best friends making out with each other. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. Today was my wedding day. One of the friends was my maid of honor, the other was my groom. FML

#5466337
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67718) - you deserved it (3435)

On 09/25/2009 at 1:42pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

#5463165
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21483) - you deserved it (2941)

On 09/25/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by lone_ranger (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that being rhythmically challenged really really sucks. I was trying to dance around sexily for my girlfriend, and I was doing that one move where you thrust your pelvis forward, and swing you hand from side to side. I hit myself in the nuts. FML

#5460176
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6472) - you deserved it (21712)

On 09/25/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Dumbfuck (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that my coach doesn't close the door and the blinds to perform half-naked body checks (to make sure his team is in shape) on anyone else but me. FML

#5424616
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43338) - you deserved it (4234)

On 09/23/2009 at 7:28am - misc - by MaKaDa - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house for the first time. I had to use the restroom, and when I came back, I mocked her brothers' lame Pokémon shower curtain and Ninja Turtle towels. Turns out they were hers. FML

#5383572
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7740) - you deserved it (56313)

On 09/20/2009 at 10:28pm - love - by newlydumped (man) - United States (Texas)



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