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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my smoke alarm went off. In a frenzy, I called 9-1-1 and exited my house. Several minutes later a fire truck showed up. After investigating, one of the firemen informed me I needed to change the batteries in my smoke alarm. FML

#7375995
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6291) - you deserved it (32392)

On 01/16/2010 at 10:37am - misc - by lollerskate (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my father yelled at me for changing 1 of his 2 programable seat positions in his car because he uses both. Apparently, 1 is for sober driving and 2 is for high/drunk driving. Go dad. FML

#7353049
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28036) - you deserved it (3248)

On 01/15/2010 at 2:24am - misc - by Goobie (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at a bar a woman of about 40 came up to me and asked me to dance, and being only 20 I thought I had met the perfect "cougar" for a one night stand. After a few up-beat dances, a slower song came on and we continued to dance. She started sobbing and claimed I was the son she never had. FML

#7334012
79 comments

Today, I found out that a water pipe at my work had burst over the weekend. There is absolutely no water in the building, including the bathrooms. It's a 9 hour day, and I took a laxative this morning before I came in. FML

#7276638
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23780) - you deserved it (9958)

On 01/11/2010 at 10:28am - work - by bs_happens (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

#7217520
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25521) - you deserved it (32578)

On 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm - misc - by Hugh_Jankles (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

#7199180
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23565) - you deserved it (3209)

On 01/07/2010 at 1:38pm - animals - by Flooded (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

#7161504
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14047) - you deserved it (30197)

On 01/05/2010 at 9:06am - love - by PJ (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I overheard my parents discussing whether or not they could trust me being alone in the house for 2 days. They then came to the decision that I'm too unpopular and unattractive to ever throw a wild party or get laid. FML

#7156329
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33155) - you deserved it (2854)

On 01/05/2010 at 12:00am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw". It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parent's house and forgot his phone. FML

#7097610
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9097) - you deserved it (31399)

On 01/02/2010 at 2:02am - intimacy - by Lisa (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML

#7059042
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38102) - you deserved it (17695)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by pottypattypeepants (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML

#7031264
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19813) - you deserved it (2140)

On 12/30/2009 at 5:36am - intimacy - by kte (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up from an amazing dream. I dreamt that I got a promotion at work and doubled my income, the dream was so great that I tried so hard not to wake up. When I did wake up it was 10 o'clock, two hours late for work I noticed I had a voicemail from my boss. I was fired for being late. FML

#7005842
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11835) - you deserved it (27833)

On 12/29/2009 at 1:01am - work - by mylifesucks22 (man) - United States (Texas)



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