FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I'm neck-deep in debt paying for med school. What's worse, the professors here are so terrible that even the morons on Yahoo Answers are 100 times better at explaining my coursework to me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2016 at 4:12am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the money I spent on a very specific degree was wasted, because apparently, I don't qualify for a job at the place that told me I had to have that degree. FML

by BlueyedKat / 02/27/2016 at 1:03am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my nephew gave me a piece of gum. He's not one to share, so I was rather shocked at his kindness. After a while chewing, he admitted he gave it to me because the pack was in his pocket when he peed his pants. FML

by Joseph / 02/26/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my cat was being surprisingly loving towards me. Normally she ignores me so I obviously found this rather odd. She kept meowing so I assumed she was hungry. As I was getting up to feed her, she stood up and pooped all over me, my bed and phone, then turned away and ran. FML

by sippinsoup22 / 02/15/2016 at 8:25pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML

by notonthepavement / 02/15/2016 at 6:04am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I gave my boyfriend a $300 cooler for Valentine's Day. When I asked what he got me, he pointed at my stomach. I'm 3 months pregnant with his baby. FML

by woahlaura / 02/14/2016 at 11:26am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I received my Valentine's gift from my fiancée in the mail. We broke up yesterday. FML

by CRD1995 / 02/13/2016 at 4:05pm / United States (Texas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I returned to work after taking two days off to find I'd been fired. Why? For not being at work on those two days. Everything was agreed in writing, all trace of which has mysteriously vanished. I can't work until HR sorts it out, and nobody can tell me how long that'll take. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2016 at 8:56pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my dogs somehow pulled the water spigot off the wall in my backyard. I now have my own private lake. FML

by Hreid254 / 02/05/2016 at 11:07am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I went out clubbing and hit the dance floor, hoping to impress some girls with my moves. All I got was a bunch of weird looks and was told by one girl that I'm the "whitest black guy" she's ever seen. FML

by I Tried / 01/29/2016 at 5:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my best friend was cheating on her boyfriend. After confronting her boyfriend and showing him proof, he responded with denial and didn't believe me. Now my whole circle of friends not only think I'm trying to start a rumor, but that I'm a home wrecker. FML

by iTried / 01/28/2016 at 7:12am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend came home and spontaneously wanted to have sex for the first time in about a year. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and had just came from an AA meeting. She reeked of alcohol, I couldn't get hard because of it and she got pissed at me. She says she won't be spontaneous again. FML

by FullCircleProblem / 01/27/2016 at 1:04am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my boss got mad at me because I told her that I wouldn't be able to work two days out of the week, due to college classes. She then cut back my hours so much that I now only work one day a week. I got the job in the first place to pay for my college classes. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2016 at 12:41am / United States (Texas) / Work