FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 7:30pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I treated myself to a cheeseburger. I left it on my coffee table while I grabbed a napkin from the kitchen. While I was gone my dog ate it. Then puked it up all over my carpet. Which I then had to clean up. FML

by twinkie2 / 01/21/2011 at 3:35am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I came to school really sick because I had to take an important exam. After I finally finished, I accidentally sneezed on my answer sheet right before turning it in. The teacher refused to take it. FML

by sickly / 01/20/2011 at 12:47am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I drove to buy new sneakers to work out and lose weight. Coming out of the store, I saw someone had parked too close to me. I had to beg a stranger to back my car out for me, because no matter how I tried, I couldn't get into the driver's seat. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2011 at 1:27am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I had to blow my nose. Trying to be a considerate roommate, I tiptoed over to the bathroom in the dark, which would have been fine, if I hadn't tripped over a chair and crushed the art project that she's been working on for the past month. FML

by mel / 01/18/2011 at 2:05am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl I really liked started talking to me, so I asked her out on a date. After waiting an hour at the theatre, I texted her asking where she was. She replied with, "Oh! You were serious about the date?!" FML

by MCKilllerrr / 01/18/2011 at 12:05am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML

by ash / 01/14/2011 at 1:22pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I discovered my parents have spent my college fund because "2012 will happen" before I graduate. FML

by skyhigh / 01/13/2011 at 12:48am / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, my landlord sent tree cutters to take down a tree in our front yard. I didn't realize their job included walking around the house and gratuitously staring at me through the window as I dressed. My boyfriend won't complain because he's afraid our rent will go up in retaliation. FML

by iheartnjdevils / 01/12/2011 at 2:42pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the bathroom and my pee split into 4 different streams, none of which actually hit the toilet. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 12:32am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my coworker thought it would be funny to throw my keys up onto the top shelf in storage. I'm 4'10. FML

by frmitalywithlove / 01/10/2011 at 11:11pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2011 at 2:56am / United States (Texas) / Health