Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I was sitting at lunch and started choking on a chip. I couldn't breathe and nobody tried to help me. Having to take matters into my own hands, I reached for a juice box that belonged to someone sitting next to me. After I could breathe again, they informed me that they had mono. FML

#6358488
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30139) - you deserved it (4184)

On 11/18/2009 at 7:19pm - health - by ohmigodimchokin (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my water wouldn't go down my shower drain. Confused, I stuck a metal stick expecting hair, but instead stabbed and pulled up a rat that was dead in my drain. FML

#6349337
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33081) - you deserved it (2001)

On 11/17/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

#6322729
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17307) - you deserved it (34446)

On 11/16/2009 at 2:32am - love - by Manstobe92 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I stood in line for one hour to get a new phone. It then took me 2 minutes to drop it and shatter the screen, and 2 seconds for the employee to look at, laugh, and tell me, "That Sucks." FML

#6322699
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13313) - you deserved it (27046)

On 11/16/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by bananaface (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I finished installing a brand new engine in my old car. It cost just over $6000. Later, I was waiting at a red light and an uninsured drunk driver smashed into it head on. It's completely totaled. I got to drive it 5 miles. The car is worth $1000, even with a new engine. FML

#6318319
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28070) - you deserved it (3734)

On 11/15/2009 at 9:59pm - money - by stupidoldcar (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my ex decided he wanted to start calling me "Pup." I jokingly said "Please! Call me anything but that! Sausage face even! Just anything but that!" Later, we went bowling with a large group of friends. He put my name in the board as "Sausage Face." Everyone agreed it will be my new name. FML

#6312971
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7038) - you deserved it (37253)

On 11/15/2009 at 1:46pm - misc - by firefliiez (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me for a girl he's known for less than 72 hours. Why? He wanted someone pure. I lost my virginity to him five years ago. FML

#6300717
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40017) - you deserved it (3726)

On 11/14/2009 at 1:19pm - love - by unengaged (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to see the cast list for the new musical I'm in. I didn't get the part I wanted, and instead I got the part of one of the suitors. Interestingly, they made me the suitor to my ex. And the guy she leaves me for at the end of the musical is the guy she left me for in real life. FML

#6298620
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40379) - you deserved it (2643)

On 11/14/2009 at 7:59am - love - by Indoraptor (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned I have over $10,000 in debt, despite never owning a credit card. Apparently, my ex-roommate had been replying to the credit card offers I was receiving in the mail. That also explains my missing driver's license a few months back. FML

#6290019
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31402) - you deserved it (2605)

On 11/13/2009 at 5:29pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was shopping with my baby daughter when an older woman came up to me. She glared and said, "You know, if you kids learned how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't be a mother at 16." I'm 25. FML

#6288438
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37505) - you deserved it (3547)

On 11/13/2009 at 3:26pm - kids - by notateen (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a minor outpatient procedure that required sedation. I am not supposed to drive or even be alone for 24 hours. My husband wouldn't take the day off to go with me, and instead of coming home from work, he is at the bar with his coworkers. FML

#6278977
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29345) - you deserved it (2984)

On 11/12/2009 at 8:54pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a bee flew in my car so I swerved off the road and hit a mailbox. It was a metal keg filled with cement buried in the ground. Taking my father's advice I fled the scene. Later my mailman knocked on my door holding part of my bumper. He said "Excuse me, I think you hit my mailbox this morning." FML

#6255254
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5724) - you deserved it (38279)

On 11/11/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by Sybil90 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML

#6252858
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23677) - you deserved it (3577)

On 11/11/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by carsuck (woman) - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: