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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

#6712384
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13897) - you deserved it (34969)

On 12/11/2009 at 7:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, is my birthday and my friends and I went to our favorite pub to celebrate. As I'm a little broke at the moment, they all offered to buy me birthday drinks. Which I later learned meant that they would order them for me and bring it to the table, but put everything on my tab. FML

#6707872
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26833) - you deserved it (2468)

On 12/11/2009 at 11:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML

#6703555
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28870) - you deserved it (2163)

On 12/11/2009 at 12:10am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, it was raining downtown. I saw an elderly woman crossing the street so I lend her my umbrella and help her across. When we get to the other side, she says "Thank you Toby," and then refuses to give back "her" umbrella to me, loudly enough for a nearby cop to hear. FML

#6686703
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26349) - you deserved it (2292)

On 12/09/2009 at 10:26pm - misc - by MynameisntToby (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML

#6676147
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43066) - you deserved it (2664)

On 12/09/2009 at 2:39am - misc - by PoorGramps - United States (Texas)

Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML

#6665915
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21493) - you deserved it (2754)

On 12/08/2009 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by umm - United States (Texas)

Today, after the firetruck and EMS came to my house for an emergency, I realized that not all firefighters looked like the ones in my calendar. This depressed me more than the emergency. FML

#6663069
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6006) - you deserved it (37267)

On 12/08/2009 at 10:11am - misc - by sad (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML

#6608304
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6661) - you deserved it (29598)

On 12/04/2009 at 11:08pm - misc - by Wino (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a girl walking to class by herself. I thought she was weird for not having any friends to walk with. Thats when I realized I was eating lunch by myself. In my car. FML

#6583766
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9778) - you deserved it (36592)

On 12/03/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got the repair estimate for my car. It is going to cost me $3,000 to rebuild the front end. It was wrecked because a couple decided to have a lovers spat in the middle of the freeway. I had that car for exactly four hours. FML

#6527838
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28234) - you deserved it (2244)

On 11/30/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Dante (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was watching my 7 year old daughter and her friend jump on our trampoline. I was really impressed by all the flips they were doing, and I told her "Hey! I can't even do that." To that her friend replied " Of course you can't. You're fat!" FML

#6443254
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31374) - you deserved it (7400)

On 11/25/2009 at 9:43am - kids - by madeyoulaugh (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met my wife's other husband. FML

#6436745
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38865) - you deserved it (3038)

On 11/24/2009 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by bmonehh (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend called me to come over because we "needed to talk." Going down the stairs, I tripped and fell. I woke up from unconsciousness with a hurting leg and my boyfriend standing over me. Just as I was about to smile and ask for a kiss, he said, "Maybe we should take a break" and left. FML

#6435138
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28642) - you deserved it (2851)

On 11/24/2009 at 11:08am - love - by Yes (woman) - United States (Texas)



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