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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm 'so slow a turtle could kick my ass' and that he has 'a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend.' FML

#5876012
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14067) - you deserved it (30778)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:30am - misc - by cheat - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that my car alarm only goes off if the car is unlocked a bit forcibly. Doesn't make a sound when some prick breaks the window out in the middle of the night to steal my cd player. FML

#5848483
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24028) - you deserved it (1640)

On 10/16/2009 at 5:23am - misc - by Hardsleeper - United States (Texas)

Today, I passed my kidney stone. After thirteen hours of pain free joy, another one appeared. FML

#5824297
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24050) - you deserved it (1331)

On 10/14/2009 at 12:37am - misc - by kidneystoner - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

#5781865
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23269) - you deserved it (2659)

On 10/11/2009 at 7:30pm - misc - by washed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up in the hallway. I took a sleeping pill the night before to get a good sleep in for work, but it turns out it was too strong. I got dizzy and passed out on my way to my bed, fell in the hall and chipped my two front teeth, and slept there - straight through work the next day. FML

#5737045
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22525) - you deserved it (5175)

On 10/09/2009 at 8:29am - health - by StillDrowsy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while working on my girlfriend of three years' computer I found a file called 'My future wedding'. I assumed it was very old and decided to look through it. Of the list of 5 potential grooms I was not one of them. This didn't bother me until I saw that it had last been edited two days ago. FML

#5721325
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32329) - you deserved it (2985)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:31pm - love - by Rage (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, on my break, I decided to be friendly and chat with a co-worker that everyone else always seems to avoid. He spent the next ten minutes telling me all about his abcessing sebaceous cysts. Apparently, "The scars look just like gunshot wounds." FML

#5707882
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21474) - you deserved it (4025)

On 10/07/2009 at 6:36pm - work - by loverofstrife (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while trying to sleep, I kept hearing this groan/scream for help for about an hour. I decided to call 911 to send someone to investigate. Police came, I received a $100 parking fine and another citation for improper use of 911. The noise? Just a dog howling. FML

#5698254
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19716) - you deserved it (9065)

On 10/07/2009 at 3:57am - animals - by ScaryOldMan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was fired for not attending a mandatory meeting. I confronted my boss and told her I never heard anything about it, she told me that daily reminders had been sent out via email for weeks. She then discovered that she failed to enter my email address in the system. I was still fired. FML

#5607614
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41518) - you deserved it (1763)

On 10/02/2009 at 5:31pm - work - by Rae (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, we had a lockdown in our school for 2 hours because a man was sitting outside our school in his car with a gun in hand. I texted my mom telling her what was going on and that it's on the news. She responded saying "I'll tape it". FML

#5605398
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24958) - you deserved it (2381)

On 10/02/2009 at 3:17pm - misc - by dannyboy1422 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after a month of searching, I found a perfect apartment which I rented out for the next few months. The rent was inexpensive and the place was close to my job. Turns out, my 'perfect' new apartment overlooks a nudist community. FML

#5565061
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12647) - you deserved it (30344)

On 09/30/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by explodingpupppet (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML

#5554431
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5715) - you deserved it (26317)

On 09/29/2009 at 8:48pm - intimacy - by pummy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was drinking in the park with my friends. Being drunk, I relieved myself on a nearby tree. Unknown to me, a 4 year old was having her birthday party 100 yards away. I was arrested for public intoxication and exposing myself to a minor. FML

#5543214
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8299) - you deserved it (63744)

On 09/29/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



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