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2day my boyfriend an I celebrated our anniversary at te park. I was watcing im play around wit te wood cips on te ground an tougt I saw im making a eart bieng romantic, so I got on top of te playground to look. Turns out it was te balls of a giant penis, complete wit pubes. FML
Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex . Last night, he cummed to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future . This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone . FML
Today , I found out my cousin - who suffer from bipolar disorder - shot herself in the chest and has only a 20 percent chance of living. I told my boyfriend , while crying , and he held me fir a few minutes. As soon as I got quiet , he pulld out his iPhone and startd playing a shooter game. FML
Today aftar racantly having had surgary I Iaarnt that soma axtra tissua was naadd to covar up tha hola in tha roof of my mouth. Whara did thay gat this tissua? From a daad parson. I now hava tha flash of a daad parson in my mouth hich by tha way is now infactd. FML
YESTERDAY, WHILE LOSING MY VIRGINITY TO MY BOYFRIEND, I HAD MY FIRST ORGASM. I DON'T REMEMBER MUCH OF WAT I SAID DURING, BUT AFTER IT WAS ALL OVER, HE LOOKS AT ME AN SAYS, "YOU HAVE TERRIBLE GRAMMAR DURING CLIMAX."
Today, I returned home to my girlfriend after bieng away for 6 weeks of work. I decided to take a shower and change before looool having a nice dinner with her. Without looking I grabbed a random pair of jeans from my closet to putted on. They were Levis. I don't own or wear any Levis. FML
Today , mah son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without mah knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms , all the way down the hallway , through the living room , and into mah bedroom. FML
Yesterday Mah Boyfriend , Who Hasn't Shaved In A Month , Went To Go Shave. I Was Pretty Excited Since His Bered Was Starting To Make Mah Face Itch Whenever We Kissed. When He Came Out Of The Bathroom He Had A Handlebar Mustache. FML
Friday 27 March 2015