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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML

#6884813
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8140) - you deserved it (41624)

On 12/22/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by funyfunkid (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, at my job as a cake decorator in a bakery, I put the finishing touches on the wedding cake of the man who left me at the altar 3 years ago. FML

#6857833
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44565) - you deserved it (2424)

On 12/21/2009 at 12:16am - misc - by budapesthungary - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at work at Hollywood Video. A guy came in and left without renting anything. Minutes later, I find human feces between the "Kids" and "Comedy" aisles. FML

#6840782
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30847) - you deserved it (1940)

On 12/20/2009 at 1:32am - work - by Van (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was approached by a policeman who asked me if I was the owner of the green Camry. Turns out my parents decided to teach me a lesson for lying where I had been by reporting the car stolen. They also wouldn't answer my one phone call. FML

#6836721
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23656) - you deserved it (7775)

On 12/19/2009 at 10:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I recieved a phone call from a good guy friend of mine, someone I haven't seen for years. He tells me he has "deep" feelings for me, and wants to know since my husband is deployed, if it would be okay if we "dated" because he told his parents I'm his girlfriend. FML

#6821987
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31061) - you deserved it (2395)

On 12/19/2009 at 12:52am - love - by annoyed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the airport about to leave for my business trip. In the restroom, I put my purse on the edge of the sink and got my lipstick out. I leaned closer to apply my lipstick and my open purse fell into the sink, triggering the automatic faucet, filling my purse with water. FML

#6814532
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21522) - you deserved it (8832)

On 12/18/2009 at 6:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was taking an important exam for Calculus. Out of nowhere, the kid behind me starts violently kicking my desk. I quickly turn around and yell at him. He was having a seizure. FML

#6804423
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27685) - you deserved it (9449)

On 12/18/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Ryan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was watching TV. During a very long commercial break, I found my brothers PSP charger next to me. Out of boredom I put my tongue on the end on the metal. Not only did it fry my tongue but found its way to my metal filling in my tooth. I now have a sore tongue and a throbbing toothache. FML

#6803548
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4682) - you deserved it (71194)

On 12/17/2009 at 11:25pm - misc - by Shocked (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML

#6792235
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12504) - you deserved it (47788)

On 12/17/2009 at 11:38am - misc - by Mike (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went in for an interview at my dream job. When I walked in, I got a dirty look from the front desk secretary. Turns out, the guy interviewing me was from a dating website I'm on. I'd rejected him and told him to get a life. FML

#6791781
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10899) - you deserved it (29508)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:46am - work - by Interview tragedy - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

#6785905
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24398) - you deserved it (10688)

On 12/16/2009 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

#6768891
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28846) - you deserved it (7004)

On 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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