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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I bought a fake "wedding ring" at Target to play a prank on my parents. They kicked me out, saying my "fiancé" can take care of me now. There is no fiancé, and I just lost my job. FML

#7420544
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10114) - you deserved it (37286)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:12pm - love - by Crissylove10 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend took me to meet his friends at one of his exclusive "clubs." Expecting it to be his old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of the Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML

#7380749
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61646) - you deserved it (7062)

On 01/16/2010 at 4:24pm - love - by Awkward (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my smoke alarm went off. In a frenzy, I called 9-1-1 and exited my house. Several minutes later a fire truck showed up. After investigating, one of the firemen informed me I needed to change the batteries in my smoke alarm. FML

#7375995
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6245) - you deserved it (32191)

On 01/16/2010 at 10:37am - misc - by lollerskate (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my father yelled at me for changing 1 of his 2 programable seat positions in his car because he uses both. Apparently, 1 is for sober driving and 2 is for high/drunk driving. Go dad. FML

#7353049
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26928) - you deserved it (3138)

On 01/15/2010 at 2:24am - misc - by Goobie (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at a bar a woman of about 40 came up to me and asked me to dance, and being only 20 I thought I had met the perfect "cougar" for a one night stand. After a few up-beat dances, a slower song came on and we continued to dance. She started sobbing and claimed I was the son she never had. FML

#7334012
83 comments

Today, I found out that a water pipe at my work had burst over the weekend. There is absolutely no water in the building, including the bathrooms. It's a 9 hour day, and I took a laxative this morning before I came in. FML

#7276638
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23588) - you deserved it (9920)

On 01/11/2010 at 10:28am - work - by bs_happens (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

#7217520
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25412) - you deserved it (32430)

On 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm - misc - by Hugh_Jankles (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

#7199180
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22211) - you deserved it (3083)

On 01/07/2010 at 1:38pm - animals - by Flooded (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

#7161504
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13977) - you deserved it (30038)

On 01/05/2010 at 9:06am - love - by PJ (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I overheard my parents discussing whether or not they could trust me being alone in the house for 2 days. They then came to the decision that I'm too unpopular and unattractive to ever throw a wild party or get laid. FML

#7156329
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32306) - you deserved it (2779)

On 01/05/2010 at 12:00am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw". It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parent's house and forgot his phone. FML

#7097610
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8340) - you deserved it (29258)

On 01/02/2010 at 2:02am - intimacy - by Lisa (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML

#7059042
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37855) - you deserved it (17639)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by pottypattypeepants (woman) - United States (Texas)



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