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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

#7199180
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21704) - you deserved it (3031)

On 01/07/2010 at 1:38pm - animals - by Flooded (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

#7161504
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13941) - you deserved it (29958)

On 01/05/2010 at 9:06am - love - by PJ (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I overheard my parents discussing whether or not they could trust me being alone in the house for 2 days. They then came to the decision that I'm too unpopular and unattractive to ever throw a wild party or get laid. FML

#7156329
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31826) - you deserved it (2727)

On 01/05/2010 at 12:00am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw". It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parent's house and forgot his phone. FML

#7097610
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8313) - you deserved it (29113)

On 01/02/2010 at 2:02am - intimacy - by Lisa (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML

#7059042
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37044) - you deserved it (17346)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by pottypattypeepants (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML

#7031264
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19497) - you deserved it (2116)

On 12/30/2009 at 5:36am - intimacy - by kte (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up from an amazing dream. I dreamt that I got a promotion at work and doubled my income, the dream was so great that I tried so hard not to wake up. When I did wake up it was 10 o'clock, two hours late for work I noticed I had a voicemail from my boss. I was fired for being late. FML

#7005842
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11345) - you deserved it (27077)

On 12/29/2009 at 1:01am - work - by mylifesucks22 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML

#6985807
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22524) - you deserved it (2679)

On 12/28/2009 at 1:26am - love - by KittyNeko (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed a flashy new sign on the highway that read "Being an attentive driver prevents car crashes". Thanks for the notice. FML

#6930680
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22933) - you deserved it (5853)

On 12/24/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by RoxMySox - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my grandpa died. As I rushed home crying to comfort my parents, I got pulled over for speeding. The officer told me to cut out the "fake" tears". When I told him my grandpa just died he tacked on another $100 for lying to an officer. Worst. Christmas. Ever. FML

#6926998
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41930) - you deserved it (2880)

On 12/24/2009 at 7:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, a car was tailgating and honking at me while trying to pass me, so I decided to be a bitch back and go extremely slow. We got to a two lane road and the car passed me up. The man in the front seat flipped me off while pointing to his wife in the back seat who was clearly in labor. FML

#6896852
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10137) - you deserved it (59782)

On 12/23/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by lois2lane (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML

#6884813
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8094) - you deserved it (41448)

On 12/22/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by funyfunkid (man) - United States (Texas)



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