FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

by ali grace / 05/14/2011 at 7:15am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, our school got portable classrooms for the construction on our school. I had to take a dump really bad, and had to use the built in bathroom. As I was in there I heard laughing. Turns out, every sound you make is an entire broadcast to the class. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2011 at 5:20pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn't until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn't wearing a top. FML

by eringoBRA / 05/06/2011 at 10:07am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML

by epicsandwichartist / 05/05/2011 at 3:13am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML

by Charlie / 05/04/2011 at 11:30pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while handing out business cards to promote my new dog grooming business, I stopped to talk to a potential client. She let me get all the way through my 15 minute speech, before bothering to tell me she didn't have a dog. FML

by Asirual / 05/02/2011 at 2:02pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

by Burnt / 05/02/2011 at 5:33am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my elderly father-in-law grabbed my breasts in the pool at a family gathering. I'd let it go as an accident if this wasn't the 4th time it happened today. FML

by nothanks / 05/01/2011 at 10:30am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML

by Sammy / 04/27/2011 at 1:07pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I woke up to find a parking ticket on my car. My car was in my driveway and the cop who wrote it is my ex-boyfriend. This is the third time. FML

by neverdatingacopagain / 04/25/2011 at 12:24am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, my dog ate a $2,000 check. My credit card bill gets taken out of my bank account tomorrow. FML

by TDCC / 04/16/2011 at 9:06pm / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML

by overflowing / 04/16/2011 at 6:20pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. His partly digested nachos decided to make an appearance halfway through. FML

by ColdHeat / 04/16/2011 at 3:18pm / United States (Texas) / Love