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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

#8480330
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21190) - you deserved it (8760)

On 02/20/2010 at 2:12pm - intimacy - by Ennui (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

#8465985
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25616) - you deserved it (2234)

On 02/20/2010 at 1:04am - intimacy - by VahnSeiro (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my cousin - who suffers from bipolar disorder - shot herself in the chest and has only a 20 percent chance of living. I told my boyfriend, while crying, and he held me for a few minutes. As soon as I got quiet, he pulled out his iPhone and started playing a shooter game. FML

#8364770
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37115) - you deserved it (3743)

On 02/17/2010 at 1:30am - love - by lynn (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after recently having had surgery, I Iearnt that some extra tissue was needed to cover up the hole in the roof of my mouth. Where did they get this tissue? From a dead person. I now have the flesh of a dead person in my mouth, which by the way is now infected. FML

#8361510
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37362) - you deserved it (3194)

On 02/17/2010 at 12:07am - health - by Sophie - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to be a stripper when she grew up, just like daddy's girlfriend. We're still married. FML

#8300891
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38000) - you deserved it (3354)

On 02/15/2010 at 1:58pm - love - by ShayisPay101 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML

#8265301
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19224) - you deserved it (4853)

On 02/14/2010 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by klsdhjla (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to have Valentine's Day sex. He then remembered it was unlimited pancakes at IHOP. FML

#8246402
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18136) - you deserved it (3175)

On 02/14/2010 at 11:31am - intimacy - by DallasGal (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I returned home to my girlfriend after being away for 6 weeks of work. I decided to take a shower and change before having a nice dinner with her. Without looking I grabbed a random pair of jeans from my closet to put on. They were Levis. I don't own or wear any Levis. FML

#8048706
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33314) - you deserved it (2511)

On 02/09/2010 at 10:43am - love - by safariboo - United States (Texas)

Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

#8042799
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27215) - you deserved it (3716)

On 02/09/2010 at 3:19am - kids - by matchristityler (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend, who hasn't shaved in a month, went to go shave. I was pretty excited since his beard was starting to make my face itch whenever we kissed. When he came out of the bathroom he had a handlebar mustache. FML

#8001805
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28020) - you deserved it (8131)

On 02/08/2010 at 1:58am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was backing out of the my work's parking lot, I hit my boss' truck. While he was in it. FML

#7939097
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9241) - you deserved it (19298)

On 02/06/2010 at 2:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML

#7905644
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5652) - you deserved it (49377)

On 02/05/2010 at 1:22pm - misc - by goldenshower (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was developing film at walmart. It started to get a little warm, so I began taking off my sweatshirt. This creepy old man approaches me, saying "You know, usually girls like you are paid to take their clothes off." FML

#7837856
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28687) - you deserved it (3845)

On 02/03/2010 at 1:24am - misc - by hotandbothered (woman) - United States (Texas)



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