FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I went out clubbing and hit the dance floor, hoping to impress some girls with my moves. All I got was a bunch of weird looks and was told by one girl that I'm the "whitest black guy" she's ever seen. FML

by I Tried / 01/29/2016 at 5:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my best friend was cheating on her boyfriend. After confronting her boyfriend and showing him proof, he responded with denial and didn't believe me. Now my whole circle of friends not only think I'm trying to start a rumor, but that I'm a home wrecker. FML

by iTried / 01/28/2016 at 7:12am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend came home and spontaneously wanted to have sex for the first time in about a year. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and had just came from an AA meeting. She reeked of alcohol, I couldn't get hard because of it and she got pissed at me. She says she won't be spontaneous again. FML

by FullCircleProblem / 01/27/2016 at 1:04am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my boss got mad at me because I told her that I wouldn't be able to work two days out of the week, due to college classes. She then cut back my hours so much that I now only work one day a week. I got the job in the first place to pay for my college classes. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2016 at 12:41am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was walking to class. While waiting at the crosswalk, a guy cat-called me from his car. I guess he was pissed that I didn't respond, because he purposely drove through a puddle and completely soaked me and the expensive textbook I was holding. FML

by Soakedandbroke / 01/26/2016 at 12:05pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend moved in with me. I just walked into my kitchen to find my thirty year-old, perfectly seasoned cast iron skillet completely submerged in soapy water in the sink, presumably from last night when he washed the dishes. FML

by miss_strauss / 01/25/2016 at 1:21pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at my retail job, I tried on one of our hats. My co-worker told me I shouldn't because I could get lice. I laughed it off and told her I didn't believe her. Man, do I believe her now. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2016 at 10:16pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I found out my father didn't have a rare brain disease, and that he was just an alcoholic. I've been taking care of him every time his "brain disease" acts up, for 2 years. FML

by blah / 01/19/2016 at 3:53pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally broke an expensive glass display shelf at work. My coworker joked, "Ooh, that's gonna come out of your paycheck!" My boss thought that was a great idea. FML

by 73012211 / 01/15/2016 at 3:21pm / United States (Texas) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out my mom took around $2,500 from my savings account to pay off my sister's college tuition. She recently flunked out of her studies and won't be returning to college anyway. FML

by FuckedOver / 01/14/2016 at 9:31am / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 years. He thrusted as fast as rabbits. I waited years for 10 seconds. FML

by ShouldveStayedAVirgin / 01/13/2016 at 1:30pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my 70-year-old coworker managed to do something to our shared computer for it to not boot up. This is our 4th computer since we've been working together, and he refuses to believe that he's the problem. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2016 at 10:52am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, during a party, my drunk mother stumbled over to take a picture of me and my brother. She told me to put a party blower in my mouth for the picture, but I politely declined. She threatened to spank me in front of everyone if I didn't do it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2016 at 5:08am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous