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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML

#14700960
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22201) - you deserved it (4017)

On 01/24/2011 at 7:30pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I treated myself to a cheeseburger. I left it on my coffee table while I grabbed a napkin from the kitchen. While I was gone my dog ate it. Then puked it up all over my carpet. Which I then had to clean up. FML

#14658827
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22136) - you deserved it (12959)

On 01/21/2011 at 3:35am - animals - by twinkie2 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came to school really sick because I had to take an important exam. After I finally finished, I accidentally sneezed on my answer sheet right before turning it in. The teacher refused to take it. FML

#14646184
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28111) - you deserved it (4043)

On 01/20/2011 at 12:47am - health - by sickly (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I drove to buy new sneakers to work out and lose weight. Coming out of the store, I saw someone had parked too close to me. I had to beg a stranger to back my car out for me, because no matter how I tried, I couldn't get into the driver's seat. FML

#14634779
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23996) - you deserved it (9473)

On 01/19/2011 at 1:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to blow my nose. Trying to be a considerate roommate, I tiptoed over to the bathroom in the dark, which would have been fine, if I hadn't tripped over a chair and crushed the art project that she's been working on for the past month. FML

#14622379
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26642) - you deserved it (7545)

On 01/18/2011 at 2:05am - misc - by mel - United States (Texas)

Today, the girl I really liked started talking to me, so I asked her out on a date. After waiting an hour at the theatre, I texted her asking where she was. She replied with, "Oh! You were serious about the date?!" FML

#14621087
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35830) - you deserved it (3229)

On 01/18/2011 at 12:05am - love - by MCKilllerrr - United States (Texas)

Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML

#14577933
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31476) - you deserved it (14684)

On 01/14/2011 at 1:22pm - misc - by ash (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered my parents have spent my college fund because "2012 will happen" before I graduate. FML

#14561634
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44901) - you deserved it (3043)

On 01/13/2011 at 12:48am - money - by skyhigh - United States (Texas)

Today, my landlord sent tree cutters to take down a tree in our front yard. I didn't realize their job included walking around the house and gratuitously staring at me through the window as I dressed. My boyfriend won't complain because he's afraid our rent will go up in retaliation. FML

#14554836
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21528) - you deserved it (7177)

On 01/12/2011 at 2:42pm - misc - by iheartnjdevils - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the bathroom and my pee split into 4 different streams, none of which actually hit the toilet. FML

#14540407
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27475) - you deserved it (6555)

On 01/11/2011 at 12:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my coworker thought it would be funny to throw my keys up onto the top shelf in storage. I'm 4'10. FML

#14539284
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27271) - you deserved it (3763)

On 01/10/2011 at 11:11pm - work - by frmitalywithlove (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

#14512160
469 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71745) - you deserved it (3838)

On 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML

#14505215
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28562) - you deserved it (3871)

On 01/08/2011 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



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