Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I found out that the man who came into work yesterday, the man who tried to grope me from over the counter, the one who spat his drink in my face, the one who kicked me in the shins when he didn't like the way his food tasted, is a regular and I can expect him three times a week. FML

#13019582
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27885) - you deserved it (2052)

On 09/12/2010 at 12:52pm - work - by yeahno (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

#13005397
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38045) - you deserved it (9639)

On 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by gorillalove - United States (Texas)

Today, at work, I leaned back in a chair too far, causing me to tip over and smash my head into a wall. If that wasn't enough damage, my boss keeps replaying the security footage to everyone I work with. My head hurts not from the fall, but the loud laughter that keeps coming from inside the office. FML

#12987645
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12926) - you deserved it (19592)

On 09/10/2010 at 6:02am - work - by hard_headed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to do something that many young technologically-savvy people fear. I had to get on my dad's Facebook for him to delete a rather scandalous photo of his genitals he accidentally uploaded. FML

#12955617
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36438) - you deserved it (2928)

On 09/07/2010 at 10:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, the elevator broke in my dorm and won't be fixed for several days. I live on the 26th floor. FML

#12870338
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37066) - you deserved it (3412)

On 09/02/2010 at 1:39pm - misc - by flimflam (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a stomach virus. I tried to make myself throw up to feel better. My long nails sliced open my throat from the inside, and I threw up blood. FML

#12869426
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11781) - you deserved it (53448)

On 09/02/2010 at 12:03pm - health - by Sickie. (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

#12753768
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13693) - you deserved it (47771)

On 08/26/2010 at 9:32am - intimacy - by H8TR (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I swerved off the road and hit a tree in order to avoid hitting a dog that came out of nowhere. Don't worry, I didn't hit him. The person behind me did, though. FML

#12726945
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33751) - you deserved it (4476)

On 08/24/2010 at 8:48pm - animals - by vstan (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out the "small termite problem" the inspector told me about wasn't so small when a box from the attic fell through the floor and hit me in the head. FML

#12697631
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26222) - you deserved it (2816)

On 08/23/2010 at 5:03am - health - by concusion - United States (Texas)

Today, my hours got cut because I couldn't make it into work when they called me in. Why couldn't I make it in? I was in an interview for a better job. I didn't get the job. FML

#12665553
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20571) - you deserved it (16318)

On 08/21/2010 at 3:20pm - misc - by thyella87 - United States (Texas)

Today, my incredibly self conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML

#12626936
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9341) - you deserved it (76677)

On 08/19/2010 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by captainocd - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he finds his car more attractive than me. FML

#12623865
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29457) - you deserved it (6275)

On 08/19/2010 at 11:28am - love - by yup okay (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML

#12599218
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25765) - you deserved it (2860)

On 08/18/2010 at 2:58am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: