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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I had to pick my parents up from jail. They thought it would be okay to have sex behind a bush. FML

#16761961
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49818) - you deserved it (4120)

On 06/20/2011 at 11:57am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, while a very cute girl was explaining the apartment's laundry machines to me, I blurted out, "It's okay, my pants are used to handling huge loads". FML

#16758524
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16488) - you deserved it (38518)

On 06/20/2011 at 3:37am - misc - by NewTenant (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I opened my Father's Day present from my mother-in-law. It was a glamor shot of her. FML

#16757277
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34466) - you deserved it (3455)

On 06/20/2011 at 1:57am - misc - by firethorn - United States (Texas)

Today, I spent 2 hours making the perfect card for my dad for Father's Day. When I handed it to him, he smiled and said "Thank you" and then killed a fly with it. I found it in the trash a couple of hours later. FML

#16752985
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37330) - you deserved it (4120)

On 06/19/2011 at 10:17pm - kids - by Heartbroken (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and best friend. They are now having blood-curdling sex in our tent. My friend is also my ride home. FML

#16746059
509 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58594) - you deserved it (7174)

On 06/19/2011 at 2:08pm - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, my professor spent the entire class showing us how to make paper airplanes. I pay over 40 grand a year for college. FML

#16694392
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35763) - you deserved it (5990)

On 06/16/2011 at 12:03pm - misc - by Scholar (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was mowing my neighbors lawn, I found the playboy magazine he left in his yard. I found it with the mower. I spent the next hour picking up little shards of naked women for no extra pay. FML

#16693545
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32372) - you deserved it (6817)

On 06/16/2011 at 10:43am - intimacy - by - United States (Texas)

Today, I invited over my best friend, whom I've loved for over a year, since she had to tell me "something important". I got excited and thought she was going to tell me she loved me too. She ended up coming out to me, and wanted to know if I would meet her girlfriend. FML

#16661429
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43992) - you deserved it (5780)

On 06/14/2011 at 2:06pm - love - by :( (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while driving in a funeral procession I was distracted, missed my turn and yelled "God dammit!" I'm the funeral director; the Priest was in the car with me as I led the funeral the wrong way. FML

#16659246
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15718) - you deserved it (38938)

On 06/14/2011 at 10:23am - work - by patrickalamo - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to be the one to break it to my daughter that WWE fighting was staged. She began crying. However, last month she didn't shed a single tear at her grandmother's funeral. FML

#16655787
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39841) - you deserved it (5511)

On 06/14/2011 at 2:08am - kids - by mk (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering its wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the "butterfly" stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML

#16632330
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43004) - you deserved it (3105)

On 06/12/2011 at 7:33pm - animals - by Jenievonteese (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at my friend's house, and I asked if I could try on one of her dresses. It was a little snug, but I got it on. When it came time to take it off though, it wouldn't budge. My friend and her mom had to cut it off me. FML

#16627798
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18697) - you deserved it (33336)

On 06/12/2011 at 1:54pm - misc - by Apple (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my dad makes me wear dresses and skirts not because I look pretty in them, but because he was sick and tired of people asking him if I was a boy or a girl. FML

#16605996
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41862) - you deserved it (6056)

On 06/11/2011 at 2:27am - misc - by mbesameh (woman) - United States (Texas)



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