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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I was hanging out with my crush and wanted to see what he thought of me. Instead of asking him straight, I tugged at my shirt, saying ''I don't know why I wear this top. I always look awful in it." He said, "Are you fishing for a fat joke?" FML

#14304589
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9458) - you deserved it (39894)

On 12/22/2010 at 11:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my two kids to a Christmas festival with a train theme. I spent $24 on conductor hats for them. When I gave them the hats, they threw them on the ground and put the red paper bags they came in on their heads. FML

#14289494
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20830) - you deserved it (6412)

On 12/21/2010 at 8:15pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML

#14265623
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12216) - you deserved it (20723)

On 12/19/2010 at 10:41pm - misc - by fakelaugher (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML

#14256786
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14217) - you deserved it (21991)

On 12/19/2010 at 2:46am - love - by lovecrisis247 - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there awhile. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for "help". FML

#14254950
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25728) - you deserved it (3968)

On 12/19/2010 at 12:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got home from work to find an eviction notice taped to my door, stating that I was a nuisance and had 30 days to vacate the property. I live at home with my parents. FML

#14202478
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25987) - you deserved it (8235)

On 12/14/2010 at 1:41pm - misc - by homeless (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a call from a restricted number. When I answered, it was a prank call. The kids on the other end had porn on high volume and put the phone next to the speaker. Way to remind me that I'm still a virgin. FML

#14199734
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27792) - you deserved it (6986)

On 12/14/2010 at 6:00am - intimacy - by virginat16 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to pick me up, throw me over his shoulder and take me to the bedroom. Little did he know that he literally threw me over his shoulder, and I face-planted on the ground. FML

#14194626
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28252) - you deserved it (2816)

On 12/13/2010 at 8:04pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my family and I went Christmas tree shopping. My husband and I were walking around when I saw the perfect tree. Excited, we immediately bought it. When we got home and set it up, I realized it came with a present: termites. FML

#14167413
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27893) - you deserved it (4477)

On 12/11/2010 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML

#14142147
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27367) - you deserved it (10446)

On 12/09/2010 at 12:15pm - love - by katy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was making out with this guy, and I ask him if he wants to take my bra off. He has some trouble getting it off and says, "This is strange, I do it for my sister all the time." FML

#14129951
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48183) - you deserved it (5605)

On 12/08/2010 at 9:34am - intimacy - by fme (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while walking past a homeless man, I heard him comment on the woman in front of me saying, "I should come to this side of town more often, there's some hotties here." Then he saw me and said, "Wait, no, I think I'll stay on the other side of town." FML

#14124192
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24894) - you deserved it (3488)

On 12/07/2010 at 8:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML

#14120118
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12395) - you deserved it (81812)

On 12/07/2010 at 1:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



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