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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
524 comments

I agree, your life sucks (146612) - you deserved it (8363)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
442 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79176) - you deserved it (8253)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML

#17066735
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28255) - you deserved it (3593)

On 07/11/2011 at 1:56pm - misc - by MakeItMaaco (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I helped an elderly lady unscrew the cooling tank's cap from her smoking car. My reward? A scalding shower of toxic, pungent antifreeze that erupted moments after removing said cap. She didn't even thank me. FML

#16995369
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27352) - you deserved it (18085)

On 07/06/2011 at 1:27am - misc - by thoughtcrimeno1 - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

#16984836
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30564) - you deserved it (2926)

On 07/05/2011 at 10:32am - misc - by omfgfmlife - United States (Texas)

Today, 30 minutes before I was supposed to quit work at 6pm, my boss showed up. After telling him how the day went, he asked why I was still there. Apparently, for the holiday, we close early. 4 hours earlier. FML

#16981482
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26839) - you deserved it (7241)

On 07/05/2011 at 1:34am - work - by worksucker - United States (Texas)

Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to videotape his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML

#16966057
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42946) - you deserved it (6029)

On 07/03/2011 at 9:50pm - intimacy - by WasteOMoney - United States (Texas)

Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML

#16950938
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12022) - you deserved it (46367)

On 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm - misc - by Cowgirl_Up37 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a riot broke out while I was on shift at the community swimming pool. A family snuck in soap so they could use the pool as a giant bath tub. FML

#16950296
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34746) - you deserved it (2658)

On 07/02/2011 at 3:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad spent a full half hour trying to convince me that Judaism is a race. FML

#16938868
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27252) - you deserved it (6296)

On 07/01/2011 at 6:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML

#16900217
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48971) - you deserved it (4557)

On 06/28/2011 at 4:40pm - animals - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML

#16867532
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15751) - you deserved it (50126)

On 06/26/2011 at 4:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found it under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

#16793307
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15723) - you deserved it (28475)

On 06/22/2011 at 1:48am - animals - by Morgan - United States (Texas)



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