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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my coworker thought it would be funny to throw my keys up onto the top shelf in storage. I'm 4'10. FML

#14539284
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25239) - you deserved it (3581)

On 01/10/2011 at 11:11pm - work - by frmitalywithlove (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

#14512160
464 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68869) - you deserved it (3660)

On 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML

#14505215
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28414) - you deserved it (3864)

On 01/08/2011 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said "right now?" FML

#14448296
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34873) - you deserved it (4386)

On 01/03/2011 at 3:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my beautiful engagement ring is a remake of the late Princess Diana's engagement ring. I also found out my fiancé bought it from an infomercial, for $19.95. FML

#14447328
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32236) - you deserved it (6939)

On 01/03/2011 at 1:52am - love - by puggles (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a major falling out with my best friend. Angry, I sent a short text message to him explaining how I felt. I soon noticed I'd accidentally texted "I'm going to fucking kill you, asshole." to my boss instead. I'm still waiting on a reply. FML

#14415862
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8751) - you deserved it (35331)

On 12/31/2010 at 11:05pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was making a snowman with my little cousin. I was collecting snow just outside the house, when out of nowhere a snowball struck me in the back of the head and caused me to headbutt the wall. I woke up a short while later to a medic telling me I had a nasty concussion. Thanks, cousin. FML

#14410593
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22504) - you deserved it (3031)

On 12/31/2010 at 3:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom told me that my new concealer is way too dark and makes my skin look hideously orange and uneven. I wasn't wearing any makeup. FML

#14347070
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31239) - you deserved it (4137)

On 12/26/2010 at 4:32pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML

#14339155
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22631) - you deserved it (3813)

On 12/25/2010 at 9:29pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

#14333152
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41995) - you deserved it (8770)

On 12/25/2010 at 8:38am - intimacy - by Jessie - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad had a go at me because he thought I was embarrassed by him and that was why I never invited any of my friends over. I was too embarrassed to tell him it's actually because I don't have any friends to invite over. FML

#14319411
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27738) - you deserved it (3442)

On 12/24/2010 at 2:15am - misc - by nerdwithagun (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML

#14319406
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23610) - you deserved it (4781)

On 12/24/2010 at 2:15am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML

#14316473
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24381) - you deserved it (8711)

On 12/23/2010 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by troubleintoyland (woman) - United States (Texas)



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