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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my parents, not trusting me and my boyfriend, told us to call them in the middle of our movie so they could hear it, and prove we weren't up to no good. Well, I called. Just as a raging sex scene started. FML

#14709189
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31947) - you deserved it (11082)

On 01/25/2011 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by totallyscrewedomg - United States (Texas)

Today, my apartment got robbed. My 'book-in-progress' should keep them company. FML

#14703374
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20612) - you deserved it (2304)

On 01/24/2011 at 10:18pm - misc - by brokenhome - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML

#14700960
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20351) - you deserved it (3821)

On 01/24/2011 at 7:30pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I treated myself to a cheeseburger. I left it on my coffee table while I grabbed a napkin from the kitchen. While I was gone my dog ate it. Then puked it up all over my carpet. Which I then had to clean up. FML

#14658827
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20827) - you deserved it (12547)

On 01/21/2011 at 3:35am - animals - by twinkie2 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came to school really sick because I had to take an important exam. After I finally finished, I accidentally sneezed on my answer sheet right before turning it in. The teacher refused to take it. FML

#14646184
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27512) - you deserved it (3981)

On 01/20/2011 at 12:47am - health - by sickly (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I drove to buy new sneakers to work out and lose weight. Coming out of the store, I saw someone had parked too close to me. I had to beg a stranger to back my car out for me, because no matter how I tried, I couldn't get into the driver's seat. FML

#14634779
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23849) - you deserved it (9460)

On 01/19/2011 at 1:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to blow my nose. Trying to be a considerate roommate, I tiptoed over to the bathroom in the dark, which would have been fine, if I hadn't tripped over a chair and crushed the art project that she's been working on for the past month. FML

#14622379
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26518) - you deserved it (7532)

On 01/18/2011 at 2:05am - misc - by mel - United States (Texas)

Today, the girl I really liked started talking to me, so I asked her out on a date. After waiting an hour at the theatre, I texted her asking where she was. She replied with, "Oh! You were serious about the date?!" FML

#14621087
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35191) - you deserved it (3165)

On 01/18/2011 at 12:05am - love - by MCKilllerrr - United States (Texas)

Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML

#14577933
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31348) - you deserved it (14659)

On 01/14/2011 at 1:22pm - misc - by ash (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered my parents have spent my college fund because "2012 will happen" before I graduate. FML

#14561634
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42989) - you deserved it (2894)

On 01/13/2011 at 12:48am - money - by skyhigh - United States (Texas)

Today, my landlord sent tree cutters to take down a tree in our front yard. I didn't realize their job included walking around the house and gratuitously staring at me through the window as I dressed. My boyfriend won't complain because he's afraid our rent will go up in retaliation. FML

#14554836
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21395) - you deserved it (7159)

On 01/12/2011 at 2:42pm - misc - by iheartnjdevils - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the bathroom and my pee split into 4 different streams, none of which actually hit the toilet. FML

#14540407
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26679) - you deserved it (6470)

On 01/11/2011 at 12:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my coworker thought it would be funny to throw my keys up onto the top shelf in storage. I'm 4'10. FML

#14539284
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25232) - you deserved it (3580)

On 01/10/2011 at 11:11pm - work - by frmitalywithlove (woman) - United States (Texas)



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