FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my mom and siblings got into a fight. Being generally quiet and non-confrontational, I stayed out of it. Shortly thereafter, I was yelled at by my mother for being "ungrateful" and "disrespectful." I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

by tiredoffamilydinners / 01/12/2012 at 12:00am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML

by bunnyluver4545 / 01/11/2012 at 12:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, while very sick, throwing up in a bucket beside my bed, my dad came in pushed my face into the bucket. For a laugh apparently. FML

by barface / 01/10/2012 at 9:52pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I met my fiancé's parents for the first time. The only problem was that I was highly intoxicated. FML

by cdestarac / 01/10/2012 at 1:07am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML

by fuckparents / 01/09/2012 at 6:01pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML

by Whyme / 01/09/2012 at 1:14am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, as I was finishing running a mile, my entire class begun to cheer me on. I felt happy since I don't have many friends. Only when I got closer did I realize that they were cheering for the girl behind me, and in fact, not one person was cheering for me. FML

by silvernights21 / 01/05/2012 at 6:40pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML

by cazorp / 01/05/2012 at 6:43am / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, my 10-year-old brother got the bright idea to urinate in my oven to cool it off. My whole house smells like burnt piss. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2011 at 10:53am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I learned if you've slept with your soon to be step-brother you should tell your family. If you don't, he may blurt it out while drunk at a family barbecue. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2011 at 1:06am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phone at the table rule" and took my phone away until I can learn "proper table manners." FML

by grounded / 12/18/2011 at 4:59am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

by anne / 12/16/2011 at 10:46pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my husband changed the voice on my car's GPS to Mr T's. I don't know how to change it back. I've been saying, "I pity the fool" over and over again ever since. FML

by annoyed / 12/14/2011 at 9:06am / United States (Texas) / Transportation