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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my dad's work phone went off, and I thought I should go tell him since he's on call. Turns out no matter how you do it, a 47 year old man at one in the morning will think you are a burglar trying to attack him. FML

#16479065
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27900) - you deserved it (3205)

On 06/03/2011 at 2:25am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

#16378001
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42245) - you deserved it (18061)

On 05/27/2011 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by valerie - United States (Texas)

Today, my genius boyfriend was trying to remember a particular island in the Caribbean that was used by pirates in the past. I offered up Morocco. I heard him facepalm over the phone. FML

#16367949
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8706) - you deserved it (52324)

On 05/27/2011 at 1:46am - love - by Derp-A-Herp (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my ex husband is marrying my sister. FML

#16279756
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (100824) - you deserved it (6762)

On 05/21/2011 at 11:31am - love - by uetlqdja - United States (Texas)

Today, while trying to sneak out of my house to go to a party I met my mom trying to sneak back in. FML

Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML

#16263681
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41687) - you deserved it (15869)

On 05/20/2011 at 4:40am - intimacy - by skiittlez713 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

#16168666
378 comments

I agree, your life sucks (116727) - you deserved it (16524)

On 05/14/2011 at 7:15am - intimacy - by ali grace - United States (Texas)

Today, our school got portable classrooms for the construction on our school. I had to take a dump really bad, and had to use the built in bathroom. As I was in there I heard laughing. Turns out, every sound you make is an entire broadcast to the class. FML

#16119488
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31084) - you deserved it (4104)

On 05/10/2011 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn't until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn't wearing a top. FML

#16066360
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15808) - you deserved it (48421)

On 05/06/2011 at 10:07am - intimacy - by eringoBRA (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML

#16053522
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32909) - you deserved it (3432)

On 05/05/2011 at 3:13am - work - by epicsandwichartist (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML

#16051471
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38394) - you deserved it (4607)

On 05/04/2011 at 11:30pm - misc - by Charlie (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while handing out business cards to promote my new dog grooming business, I stopped to talk to a potential client. She let me get all the way through my 15 minute speech, before bothering to tell me she didn't have a dog. FML

#16019409
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25938) - you deserved it (12357)

On 05/02/2011 at 2:02pm - animals - by Asirual - United States (Texas)

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

#16016488
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9500) - you deserved it (57561)

On 05/02/2011 at 5:33am - misc - by Burnt (woman) - United States (Texas)



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