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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML

#15948612
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44474) - you deserved it (5248)

On 04/27/2011 at 1:07pm - love - by Sammy - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to find a parking ticket on my car. My car was in my driveway and the cop who wrote it is my ex-boyfriend. This is the third time. FML

#15914349
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42126) - you deserved it (6264)

On 04/25/2011 at 12:24am - misc - by neverdatingacopagain (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog ate a $2,000 check. My credit card bill gets taken out of my bank account tomorrow. FML

#15812903
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32414) - you deserved it (9344)

On 04/16/2011 at 9:06pm - money - by TDCC (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML

#15811020
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31146) - you deserved it (8208)

On 04/16/2011 at 6:20pm - health - by overflowing - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. His partly digested nachos decided to make an appearance halfway through. FML

#15809243
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41475) - you deserved it (4260)

On 04/16/2011 at 3:18pm - love - by ColdHeat (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. My usually detached and unromantic boyfriend rushed right over after work with flowers and movies. A little while later, he admitted excitedly that he'd heard the numbing medication also works on gag reflexes and wanted to test the theory. FML

#15741479
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45675) - you deserved it (6529)

On 04/11/2011 at 3:27pm - intimacy - by Numb (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my head has been killing me. I've had the worst headache ever. Happy that I could finally sleep, I plopped onto my bed and bashed my head on the wall. FML

#15720068
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26187) - you deserved it (9815)

On 04/10/2011 at 2:50am - misc - by Monique - United States (Texas)

Today, I filed my taxes. As a divorcée with children, I was supposed to get $3,500 back from the IRS. Alas, my ex's new wife already filed with my children, who don't live with her. I now owe the IRS $250. FML

#15708365
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42674) - you deserved it (3835)

On 04/09/2011 at 12:07pm - money - by fuckmylifeLulu - United States (Texas)

Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML

#15697918
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27093) - you deserved it (4271)

On 04/08/2011 at 6:48pm - misc - by tbright010 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML

#15621485
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53468) - you deserved it (4177)

On 04/03/2011 at 1:55pm - intimacy - by Hanna (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

#15619603
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72991) - you deserved it (5898)

On 04/03/2011 at 11:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was out enjoying my daily jog, when out of nowhere, a group of kids in a passing car pelted me with ketchup-filled water balloons. FML

#15589666
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42891) - you deserved it (4033)

On 04/01/2011 at 2:16pm - misc - by Natalie - United States (Texas)

Today, just a few minutes after I got to work, my usually laconic boss came into my office and said, "Pack your stuff and get the f*ck out." Apparently, half my department was being downsized. Thinking it was an April Fool's, I burst out laughing and told him how funny the prank was. He wasn't kidding. FML

#15587830
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31542) - you deserved it (4103)

On 04/01/2011 at 10:19am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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