Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my best friend was doing my hair. She got frustrated and exclaimed, "It won't stay!" I replied with, "Just like your mom!" It was then that I remembered her mom had just left her dad and moved out of the house to be with someone else. FML

#13485741
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8109) - you deserved it (51396)

On 10/17/2010 at 1:17pm - misc - by Nobody - United States (Texas)

Today, I waited in line at Subway. There were two people in front of me. The first lady had seven sandwiches and the second lady had four. So after patiently waiting, I ordered my sandwich, only to have my credit card declined. FML

#13453945
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21213) - you deserved it (10634)

On 10/15/2010 at 12:06am - misc - by bcf1234 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I went out for ice cream. We somehow started talking about which of our relatives had died. Right when she was talking about how her grandfather had died, I started laughing. She had gotten ice cream all over her face. She broke up with me. FML

#13431152
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9610) - you deserved it (34592)

On 10/13/2010 at 5:02am - love - by your mother (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

#13426894
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5666) - you deserved it (58802)

On 10/12/2010 at 10:09pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend told me it wasn't working out and he was breaking up with me. The reason? I have the same first and last name as a very unpopular girl, and he gets embarrassed when people mistakenly assume he's going out with her. FML

#13379120
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31030) - you deserved it (2877)

On 10/09/2010 at 2:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook. I didn't know her, but she was cute, so I accepted the request. After looking at her pictures, I sent her a message saying "What's up cutie, do I know you?". She responded "Yes, I'm your cousin". FML

#13338032
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10561) - you deserved it (50749)

On 10/06/2010 at 12:37am - love - by crucets (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a job in my university library. My job title is technical services. My actual job is pulling off the book label for the scanner and putting a new one on. For six hours a day. FML

#13325308
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19760) - you deserved it (4114)

On 10/05/2010 at 1:16am - misc - by danrocketman - United States (Texas)

Today, I was tossing my car keys into the air and catching them. I threw them up really high, only to have them land in the branches of the palm tree outside my door, at the very top. FML

#13310040
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6421) - you deserved it (42410)

On 10/03/2010 at 10:10pm - misc - by 2234 - United States (Texas)

Today, I really had to pee so I took the only stall that was available in the bathroom: the handicapped stall. A girl in a wheelchair came in seconds later and cursed at me for taking her designated spot. FML

#13304780
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25701) - you deserved it (7202)

On 10/03/2010 at 2:50pm - misc - by Kasnt - United States (Texas)

Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML

#13291298
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27094) - you deserved it (3849)

On 10/02/2010 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by seriously (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a little too drunk and confessed to my fiancé, the love of my life, that I've been faking my orgasms all along. I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML

#13283938
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9110) - you deserved it (35442)

On 10/02/2010 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the cracks. I quickly looked away, and about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML

#13202314
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32971) - you deserved it (2492)

On 09/25/2010 at 11:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on an airplane, riding in first class for the first time in my life. The man next to me turned to me just before takeoff, stared at my chest, and said that he hoped there would be severe turbulence. FML

#13198134
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32944) - you deserved it (3826)

On 09/25/2010 at 5:49pm - misc - by huj - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: