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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

#14333152
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41892) - you deserved it (8760)

On 12/25/2010 at 8:38am - intimacy - by Jessie - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad had a go at me because he thought I was embarrassed by him and that was why I never invited any of my friends over. I was too embarrassed to tell him it's actually because I don't have any friends to invite over. FML

#14319411
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27469) - you deserved it (3408)

On 12/24/2010 at 2:15am - misc - by nerdwithagun (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML

#14319406
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23543) - you deserved it (4778)

On 12/24/2010 at 2:15am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML

#14316473
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24315) - you deserved it (8705)

On 12/23/2010 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by troubleintoyland (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was hanging out with my crush and wanted to see what he thought of me. Instead of asking him straight, I tugged at my shirt, saying ''I don't know why I wear this top. I always look awful in it." He said, "Are you fishing for a fat joke?" FML

#14304589
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9425) - you deserved it (39830)

On 12/22/2010 at 11:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my two kids to a Christmas festival with a train theme. I spent $24 on conductor hats for them. When I gave them the hats, they threw them on the ground and put the red paper bags they came in on their heads. FML

#14289494
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20774) - you deserved it (6406)

On 12/21/2010 at 8:15pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML

#14265623
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12187) - you deserved it (20685)

On 12/19/2010 at 10:41pm - misc - by fakelaugher (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML

#14256786
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14179) - you deserved it (21949)

On 12/19/2010 at 2:46am - love - by lovecrisis247 - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there awhile. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for "help". FML

#14254950
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25675) - you deserved it (3964)

On 12/19/2010 at 12:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got home from work to find an eviction notice taped to my door, stating that I was a nuisance and had 30 days to vacate the property. I live at home with my parents. FML

#14202478
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25925) - you deserved it (8228)

On 12/14/2010 at 1:41pm - misc - by homeless (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a call from a restricted number. When I answered, it was a prank call. The kids on the other end had porn on high volume and put the phone next to the speaker. Way to remind me that I'm still a virgin. FML

#14199734
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27734) - you deserved it (6972)

On 12/14/2010 at 6:00am - intimacy - by virginat16 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to pick me up, throw me over his shoulder and take me to the bedroom. Little did he know that he literally threw me over his shoulder, and I face-planted on the ground. FML

#14194626
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28177) - you deserved it (2812)

On 12/13/2010 at 8:04pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my family and I went Christmas tree shopping. My husband and I were walking around when I saw the perfect tree. Excited, we immediately bought it. When we got home and set it up, I realized it came with a present: termites. FML

#14167413
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27816) - you deserved it (4471)

On 12/11/2010 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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