Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML

#15697918
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27050) - you deserved it (4271)

On 04/08/2011 at 6:48pm - misc - by tbright010 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML

#15621485
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53401) - you deserved it (4171)

On 04/03/2011 at 1:55pm - intimacy - by Hanna (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

#15619603
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72890) - you deserved it (5896)

On 04/03/2011 at 11:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was out enjoying my daily jog, when out of nowhere, a group of kids in a passing car pelted me with ketchup-filled water balloons. FML

#15589666
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40844) - you deserved it (3887)

On 04/01/2011 at 2:16pm - misc - by Natalie - United States (Texas)

Today, just a few minutes after I got to work, my usually laconic boss came into my office and said, "Pack your stuff and get the f*ck out." Apparently, half my department was being downsized. Thinking it was an April Fool's, I burst out laughing and told him how funny the prank was. He wasn't kidding. FML

#15587830
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31481) - you deserved it (4100)

On 04/01/2011 at 10:19am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend referred me to me as "just a friend" to his ex. They swapped phone numbers. FML

#15566439
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34295) - you deserved it (5618)

On 03/30/2011 at 9:10pm - love - by meohmy - United States (Texas)

Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML

#15493729
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25146) - you deserved it (6367)

On 03/26/2011 at 2:32am - misc - by Broderick (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend bought several bottles of Potassium Iodine pills and a gas mask, due to the radiation scare from Japan. We live in Texas. FML

#15409356
335 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38949) - you deserved it (6806)

On 03/21/2011 at 12:25am - health - by radiationkillz (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that the sleazy guy I met with a few days ago decided to move into my home town to "be closer" to me. I've already told him I'm not interested in him, but he still continues to ask me out. FML

#15402612
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31271) - you deserved it (6811)

On 03/20/2011 at 5:40pm - love - by krissy - United States (Texas)

Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML

#15355329
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45836) - you deserved it (8928)

On 03/17/2011 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by Mr. Sensitive Nips - United States (Texas)

Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML

#15352953
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27761) - you deserved it (6625)

On 03/17/2011 at 2:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was excited to have a window seat on my three hour flight to New York. When I got to my row, I noticed the screaming newborn occupying the seat in front of me, and a pair of toddlers behind me. I then looked to my seat to find I have no window. FML

#15351755
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30935) - you deserved it (3365)

On 03/17/2011 at 12:56pm - misc - by lalalalalala - United States (Texas)

Today, while practicing my gymnastics routine on the uneven bars, I was so distracted by my teammates' conversation about a party later that I miscalculated my flip and smacked my head on a bar. Ten stitches and a concussion later, I was left alone in the hospital. FML

#15302298
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28318) - you deserved it (14613)

On 03/14/2011 at 12:49am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: