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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

#16168666
378 comments

I agree, your life sucks (116574) - you deserved it (16507)

On 05/14/2011 at 7:15am - intimacy - by ali grace - United States (Texas)

Today, our school got portable classrooms for the construction on our school. I had to take a dump really bad, and had to use the built in bathroom. As I was in there I heard laughing. Turns out, every sound you make is an entire broadcast to the class. FML

#16119488
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31030) - you deserved it (4102)

On 05/10/2011 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn't until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn't wearing a top. FML

#16066360
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15784) - you deserved it (48393)

On 05/06/2011 at 10:07am - intimacy - by eringoBRA (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML

#16053522
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32598) - you deserved it (3394)

On 05/05/2011 at 3:13am - work - by epicsandwichartist (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML

#16051471
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38353) - you deserved it (4604)

On 05/04/2011 at 11:30pm - misc - by Charlie (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while handing out business cards to promote my new dog grooming business, I stopped to talk to a potential client. She let me get all the way through my 15 minute speech, before bothering to tell me she didn't have a dog. FML

#16019409
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24732) - you deserved it (12001)

On 05/02/2011 at 2:02pm - animals - by Asirual - United States (Texas)

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

#16016488
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9489) - you deserved it (57530)

On 05/02/2011 at 5:33am - misc - by Burnt (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my elderly father-in-law grabbed my breasts in the pool at a family gathering. I'd let it go as an accident if this wasn't the 4th time it happened today. FML

#16002585
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52728) - you deserved it (5054)

On 05/01/2011 at 10:30am - intimacy - by nothanks - United States (Texas)

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML

#15948612
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44444) - you deserved it (5247)

On 04/27/2011 at 1:07pm - love - by Sammy - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to find a parking ticket on my car. My car was in my driveway and the cop who wrote it is my ex-boyfriend. This is the third time. FML

#15914349
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42109) - you deserved it (6262)

On 04/25/2011 at 12:24am - misc - by neverdatingacopagain (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog ate a $2,000 check. My credit card bill gets taken out of my bank account tomorrow. FML

#15812903
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32398) - you deserved it (9341)

On 04/16/2011 at 9:06pm - money - by TDCC (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML

#15811020
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31123) - you deserved it (8206)

On 04/16/2011 at 6:20pm - health - by overflowing - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. His partly digested nachos decided to make an appearance halfway through. FML

#15809243
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41455) - you deserved it (4257)

On 04/16/2011 at 3:18pm - love - by ColdHeat (woman) - United States (Texas)



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