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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML

#17506977
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23547) - you deserved it (4121)

On 08/18/2011 at 2:59am - misc - by upset room mate - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML

#17500518
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8897) - you deserved it (104026)

On 08/17/2011 at 2:27pm - misc - by Tom - United States (Texas)

Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML

#17455521
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41792) - you deserved it (15601)

On 08/13/2011 at 12:06am - love - by sydneybourgeois - United States (Texas)

Today, no matter how much I begged, my friend who'd locked himself away with my iPhone wouldn't stop taking pics of his penis and forwarding them to my boss. FML

#17438897
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50883) - you deserved it (5269)

On 08/11/2011 at 8:56am - intimacy - by bob - United States (Texas)

Today, our AC broke. It's 98 degrees inside the house. My parents will be staying at a 5 star resort until the repairman can come to fix the unit in 6 days. They made me stay home to make sure the plants survive. FML

#17425699
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35412) - you deserved it (2958)

On 08/10/2011 at 2:12am - misc - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad said he can't go to my graduation because he has to work. He got fired a month ago. FML

#17406702
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33449) - you deserved it (2588)

On 08/08/2011 at 12:03pm - work - by allinicolesmh - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML

#17394745
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25098) - you deserved it (3356)

On 08/07/2011 at 4:08am - misc - by fugachumi - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

#17384739
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31092) - you deserved it (2813)

On 08/06/2011 at 3:09am - animals - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML

#17380999
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27065) - you deserved it (2617)

On 08/05/2011 at 8:18pm - work - by joshua - United States (Texas)

Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

#17373472
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44444) - you deserved it (3569)

On 08/05/2011 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Creeped_out_n_stuck (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend's dad had a heart attack. Without realizing what I was saying, I texted her, "If you need anything, you know I'll be there in a heartbeat." FML

#17373083
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29608) - you deserved it (12820)

On 08/05/2011 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom decided to give me a bloodcurdlingly graphic sex talk. On a plane. I'm 23. FML

#17343127
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32963) - you deserved it (2730)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:26pm - misc - by jared77 - United States (Texas)

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML

#17342514
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33814) - you deserved it (4945)

On 08/02/2011 at 10:52am - health - by Username - United States (Texas)



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