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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I had a major falling out with my best friend. Angry, I sent a short text message to him explaining how I felt. I soon noticed I'd accidentally texted "I'm going to fucking kill you, asshole." to my boss instead. I'm still waiting on a reply. FML

#14415862
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8724) - you deserved it (35217)

On 12/31/2010 at 11:05pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was making a snowman with my little cousin. I was collecting snow just outside the house, when out of nowhere a snowball struck me in the back of the head and caused me to headbutt the wall. I woke up a short while later to a medic telling me I had a nasty concussion. Thanks, cousin. FML

#14410593
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22429) - you deserved it (3028)

On 12/31/2010 at 3:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom told me that my new concealer is way too dark and makes my skin look hideously orange and uneven. I wasn't wearing any makeup. FML

#14347070
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29991) - you deserved it (4034)

On 12/26/2010 at 4:32pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML

#14339155
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21254) - you deserved it (3649)

On 12/25/2010 at 9:29pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

#14333152
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41855) - you deserved it (8758)

On 12/25/2010 at 8:38am - intimacy - by Jessie - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad had a go at me because he thought I was embarrassed by him and that was why I never invited any of my friends over. I was too embarrassed to tell him it's actually because I don't have any friends to invite over. FML

#14319411
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26521) - you deserved it (3316)

On 12/24/2010 at 2:15am - misc - by nerdwithagun (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML

#14319406
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23523) - you deserved it (4776)

On 12/24/2010 at 2:15am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML

#14316473
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23334) - you deserved it (8539)

On 12/23/2010 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by troubleintoyland (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was hanging out with my crush and wanted to see what he thought of me. Instead of asking him straight, I tugged at my shirt, saying ''I don't know why I wear this top. I always look awful in it." He said, "Are you fishing for a fat joke?" FML

#14304589
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9416) - you deserved it (39805)

On 12/22/2010 at 11:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my two kids to a Christmas festival with a train theme. I spent $24 on conductor hats for them. When I gave them the hats, they threw them on the ground and put the red paper bags they came in on their heads. FML

#14289494
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20759) - you deserved it (6406)

On 12/21/2010 at 8:15pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML

#14265623
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12173) - you deserved it (20663)

On 12/19/2010 at 10:41pm - misc - by fakelaugher (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML

#14256786
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14161) - you deserved it (21930)

On 12/19/2010 at 2:46am - love - by lovecrisis247 - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there awhile. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for "help". FML

#14254950
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25642) - you deserved it (3964)

On 12/19/2010 at 12:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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