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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I was on the phone with Microsoft Customer Service for about a total of 2 hours. That's the longest I've ever talked to anybody. FML

#17700838
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24512) - you deserved it (4295)

On 09/08/2011 at 11:30pm - misc - by Juicy12Jham - United States (Texas)

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

#17672212
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32496) - you deserved it (3300)

On 09/05/2011 at 4:23pm - kids - by thatoneguy - United States (Texas)

Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML

#17663371
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33730) - you deserved it (4407)

On 09/04/2011 at 6:10pm - misc - by ironic driver - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad got into an argument with the cashier about how overpriced the scented tampons were. FML

#17663031
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30706) - you deserved it (2675)

On 09/04/2011 at 5:17pm - misc - by ohaifml - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend bitched me out for being too controlling. Apparently, not only am I being unreasonable by not wanting him visiting strip clubs with his friends, I'm also just "looking for excuses to get mad" at him. FML

#17661200
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30681) - you deserved it (16897)

On 09/04/2011 at 12:40pm - love - by inlovewithstupid (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was eating a brownie my grandmother had made, only to discover an inch long piece of what resembled dead skin in the middle of it. This discovery was only made after taking a bite and wondering why the consistency was wrong. FML

#17658783
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30408) - you deserved it (2350)

On 09/04/2011 at 2:18am - misc - by brownieswillneverbethesame (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, thanks to my wife's confession, I found out that the 14 year old child I've raised since I was 16 isn't related to me at all. But at least this narrows the real father down to one of three other guys. FML

#17589852
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44383) - you deserved it (4146)

On 08/26/2011 at 10:10pm - kids - by candie - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML

#17583731
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26852) - you deserved it (3492)

On 08/26/2011 at 3:35am - love - by EpicMayonnaise (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

#17557500
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21154) - you deserved it (55256)

On 08/23/2011 at 12:18pm - intimacy - by MissCan'tKeepAJob - United States (Texas)

Today, while going around trying to find a job, a manager came up to ask me, "Are you looking to work here?" I nodded happily, hoping this would be the end of my search. She looked me up and down, saw I had a jacket on to hide my tattoos and said, "Sorry, I can't hire heroin addicts." FML

#17555220
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31391) - you deserved it (10170)

On 08/23/2011 at 2:50am - work - by Protectress (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML

#17547713
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32038) - you deserved it (3199)

On 08/22/2011 at 12:46pm - kids - by rene - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML

#17531904
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15220) - you deserved it (47661)

On 08/20/2011 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by owmyhead (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

#17526799
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34289) - you deserved it (5060)

On 08/20/2011 at 3:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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