FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, while watching a man in front of me on the bus remove his cap to scratch his noggin, I noticed the swarm of dandruff that was about to nail me in my face. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2011 at 11:23am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I received gorgeous orchids from my long distance boyfriend. I was excited about it and told my parents. They still are convinced I have no boyfriend and I mailed the flowers to myself. FML

by nightowl506 / 11/21/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML

by Trey / 11/18/2011 at 8:58pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML

by dunicha / 11/16/2011 at 7:37pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to renew my driver's license at the DMV. Earlier, I was in a play and was still covered in stage makeup. I didn't realize that not all of it had come off until after my picture was taken and put on my new license. For the next three years, I'll be the guy with the dark eyeliner. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2011 at 4:33pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was laundry day. After my fifth and final load, I noticed I never added any laundry detergent. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2011 at 4:47pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend gave me a promise ring. It was so sweet and romantic, until he said, "I want to marry you one day. But I want to date some other girls first." FML

by so romantic / 11/12/2011 at 12:06am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML

by blacktyaffair / 11/09/2011 at 9:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my mother panicked and was about to report me missing when I didn't answer her calls while I was at a movie. I'm 31, and have lived on my own for over 10 years. FML

by maf811 / 11/07/2011 at 7:13am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on the toilet, and then had to give my boss a valid reason for why I was late. FML

by Courtney / 11/07/2011 at 1:49am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I picked up a broken piece of seemingly velvety cactus to show my mom. I now have a million microscopic, painful splinters in my fingers. FML

by OhHeySlogan / 11/06/2011 at 1:24pm / United States (Texas) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

by Shelbs / 11/05/2011 at 7:35pm / United States (Texas) / Health