FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, while dancing at my studio, our instructor was giving us all characters opposite of ourselves to portray in an improv solo. My friends got cool things like "creepy" and "vulnerable". I got "extremely sexy". FML

by apparentlyunsexy / 10/27/2011 at 12:00am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML

by beccav23 / 10/25/2011 at 12:08pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML

by StromyG2 / 10/24/2011 at 10:54am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally gathered up the guts to say hi to the girl I like. As I was walking down the hallway, I saw her and waved hello, only to walk into a bathroom door. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2011 at 6:07am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I had to come up with a reward system for getting my boyfriend to brush his teeth daily. He's 24. FML

by lynnie / 10/23/2011 at 2:23am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was relaxing at home while my boyfriend played with his hamster. After a while of silence, my boyfriend came over and put his fingers next to my face. Trying to be cute, I stuck his fingers in my mouth and sucked on them. Turns out he was trying to show me how bad hamster pee smells. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2011 at 2:10am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML

by DMStarsky / 10/21/2011 at 1:19pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my co-worker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 7:37am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my car broke down in the middle of the street. Lucky for me, two guys helped me push my car to the side of the road. Right when I was about to thank them, they stole my purse. FML

by mommydearist / 10/19/2011 at 1:01am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML

by imy / 10/18/2011 at 11:01am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML

by pokeballbra / 10/17/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2011 at 12:22am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I saw my boyfriend of a year kissing another girl. When I walked up to confront him about it, he tried to convince the other girl he didn't know who I was. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2011 at 1:05pm / United States (Texas) / Love