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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, while at a funeral for a distant family member, I was giving my condolences to the family. When one of them asked how I was doing, I replied with, "I'm still alive!", which is one of my standard responses due to being a cashier and being asked that question a hundred times a day. FML

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

#21040159
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44560) - you deserved it (9222)

On 01/25/2014 at 11:29pm - kids - by mom - United States (Texas)

Today, I ran into my apartment and let one rip, since I'd been holding it the whole elevator ride up. My parents had let themselves in while I was out, and laughed at me for a good 20 minutes. 5ML

#21038740
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36216) - you deserved it (5954)

On 01/24/2014 at 8:34pm - misc - by DJ (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

#21038657
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31830) - you deserved it (3840)

On 01/24/2014 at 7:34pm - misc - by PangolinScholar (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to my first ever job interview. I thought I was doing well, until the recruiter asked why he should hire me. The only thing I could say was "Because I'm really, really nervous right now?" FML

Today, I asked my girlfriend's dad for permission to take her hand in marriage. He said no, because he doesn't want her marrying a "sexist idiot who treats her like property", which he thinks asking permission amounts to, then told me to grow up. FML

#21033078
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48893) - you deserved it (9985)

On 01/19/2014 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I signed up for a dating site and used a photo of my mother and me at a wedding. Everyone stops responding when they find out they're talking to me and not her. FML

#21030662
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39010) - you deserved it (8172)

On 01/17/2014 at 7:49am - misc - by dylanhollis - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to skip class to attend a truancy court hearing. FML

#21027645
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33593) - you deserved it (16696)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, like every day since my wife was prescribed antibiotics for an infection, I had to hide one of the pills inside her food, because she'd apparently rather fall seriously ill than swallow them like an adult. FML

#21022498
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41787) - you deserved it (4130)

On 01/09/2014 at 2:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I called my auto insurance company to try to get some discounts and lower my rate. I ended up adding $30 to my monthly payment. FML

#21021391
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36636) - you deserved it (12774)

On 01/08/2014 at 2:03pm - money - by Can2 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I caught my neighbor picking my flowers out of the planter on my porch. When I said something to her, she ran off and knocked over the planter, smashing it. She is now acting like nothing happened. FML

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

#21008001
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44289) - you deserved it (5318)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a whistle key finder from my grandma for Christmas. This would have been nice if I could actually whistle. FML

#21005460
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28623) - you deserved it (4429)

On 12/25/2013 at 9:07pm - misc - by princesss_14 - United States (Texas)



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