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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

#21276832
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38780) - you deserved it (7346)

On 10/13/2014 at 10:15am - intimacy - by badplacerightnow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31513) - you deserved it (14502)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

#21271461
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43307) - you deserved it (2521)

On 10/05/2014 at 7:30pm - animals - by FML - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

#21270163
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44704) - you deserved it (4169)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm - health - by oncehipjr (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

#21269829
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29943) - you deserved it (10319)

On 10/02/2014 at 9:55pm - work - by stewardess - United States (Texas)

Today, I was flipping out because I couldn't find my wallet, and after several hours of cussing myself out, I went downstairs to make breakfast. I poured cereal into my bowl and my wallet flopped out with the Honey Nut Cheerios. I need to stop drinking. FML

#21267969
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23615) - you deserved it (34633)

On 09/29/2014 at 10:13pm - misc - by KasSmoke - United States (Texas)

Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML

#21265203
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40976) - you deserved it (4491)

On 09/25/2014 at 3:32pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was opening the door for my boyfriend, I pressed my boobs against the glass to make him laugh. I didn't see his dad standing just behind him at first, but he certainly saw me. FML

#21265100
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30924) - you deserved it (9351)

On 09/25/2014 at 11:52am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I got yelled at by a bleeding-heart hippy in the restroom for using paper towels. Apparently I'm a "tree-hating, paper-wasting bitch". I had a nosebleed. FML

#21263128
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33982) - you deserved it (2574)

On 09/22/2014 at 1:41pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was reviewing for a major nursing school exam I have this week. I panicked because none of the material seemed familiar, and figured that I must've missed something during class and now had to catch up. After 4 hours, I finally realized that I'd been studying from the wrong textbook. FML

#21262757
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30939) - you deserved it (13321)

On 09/21/2014 at 10:12pm - misc - by IdiotNursingStudent (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

#21262210
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41764) - you deserved it (11647)

On 09/21/2014 at 1:11am - intimacy - by RuinedTheMood (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while giving directions to a blind guy, I accidentally made him walk into a wall. FML

#21261532
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32546) - you deserved it (7708)

On 09/19/2014 at 11:14pm - misc - by camerashyguy - United States (Texas)

Today, after politely reminding my husband to turn the bathroom light off after he's done, he did so. While I was on the toilet. FML

#21258522
56 comments


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