FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I got mugged by a fake hooker. FML

by Anonymous / 04/06/2016 at 10:31am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working out and doing box jumps. My friend thought it would be funny to kick the box aside as I tried to jump onto it. Now I have 2 broken teeth. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2016 at 12:27pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, the first words I heard from my "good, Christian" future mother-in-law included a salvo of curse words and a hushed rant about "them dirty Jews". I'm culturally Jewish. This bodes well. FML

by in this day and age.... / 03/27/2016 at 12:53pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 5-year-old daughter said "Mommy, why doesn't anyone wanna marry you?" I've been asking myself the same question for all too many years. FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2016 at 11:36am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, and the trunk lid hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML

by gnofin / 03/22/2016 at 5:23pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family got mad at me for eloping and not inviting them to my wedding. Even though they admitted they wouldn't have gone anyway. FML

by BlueSteele220 / 03/22/2016 at 4:57am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my new bunny decided she is only going to eat carrots. If I put anything else in her food bowl, she viciously attacks the bowl until all of the food has spilled out. FML

by an adorable devil / 03/21/2016 at 2:52am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I'm recovering from a brain injury that occurred a few months ago. The newest challenge I'm facing is thinking the floor is moving any time there is a change in colour or texture. My house has patterned tile floors and carpet. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2016 at 7:41pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, after moving back in with my parents, I found out they had held on to a chunk of mail still being sent during the time I had been changing my old address. Included was a summons to jury duty. FML

by Silentshdw13 / 03/14/2016 at 7:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called to see if my bridesmaid's dress was ready. They told me it had already been picked up, the bride's mom picked up the dress and got rid of it because she doesn't want me in the wedding. FML

by buttercup92 / 03/13/2016 at 9:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. As we waited for our food he took my hand and said, "I think we should break up." When I got outside, my tire was flat. FML

by Anon / 03/12/2016 at 7:13pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my boyfriend is mad at me for causing him to fail a science test. Apparently he thought I was serious when I told him that homo sapiens were extinct because they were "homo". FML

by Anonymous / 03/07/2016 at 2:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a big scholarship. I was ecstatic, until I looked up the cost of tuition at that university. I still need $120K. FML

by rhymehoardhh / 03/04/2016 at 8:41pm / United States (Texas) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.