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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my husband told his parents that he was quitting his job so that he could focus on school. They asked him what he was going to do for money. When I told them that I'd be the one working, they took one look at me and burst into laughter. FML

#21230924
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40254) - you deserved it (3875)

On 08/06/2014 at 12:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

#21230044
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47959) - you deserved it (8059)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by donutsex (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML

#21229613
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48876) - you deserved it (4183)

On 08/04/2014 at 10:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML

#21228488
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23367) - you deserved it (45151)

On 08/03/2014 at 2:49pm - misc - by ew - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend interrupted my proposal to take a selfie with the ice cream I had just bought her. She then said no. FML

#21227229
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52002) - you deserved it (5914)

On 08/02/2014 at 12:00am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. The L-word is probably one of the only things I'm scared to say, so what did he do? He stared at me blankly before making a farting noise with his mouth and asking if he could go get Chicken Express for dinner. FML

#21224360
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39186) - you deserved it (4350)

On 07/30/2014 at 12:41am - love - by Humiliated & Heart-Broken - United States (Texas)

Today, I dyed a friend's hair dark brown. She assured me I didn't need gloves as the dye would wash off. It didn't. My shift as a server is in an hour and it looks like I've been working in a tire shop my whole life. Goodbye tips, hello angry customers not wanting me anywhere near their food. FML

#21222740
161 comments

Today, I found the iPod touch that my mother claimed was stolen at the mall a few years ago, lying on her bed, still logged in to her Facebook. Thanks, mom. FML

#21217252
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43678) - you deserved it (3588)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:54am - misc - by d4rkxf0x - United States (Texas)

Today, I was helping out at my church. At lunchtime, a really cute guy my age walked over and told me I was pretty. I was flattered, until I turned around and saw his annoyed buddies handing him several dollar bills. FML

#21212865
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44671) - you deserved it (3659)

On 07/18/2014 at 12:45pm - money - by what people do for money - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

#21209385
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50476) - you deserved it (6319)

On 07/14/2014 at 11:25pm - intimacy - by thedoc (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the public library for the first time ever. The librarian told me I couldn't get a library card because I had an outstanding balance of $130.00 from 1995. I was born in 1991. FML

#21204670
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46751) - you deserved it (3983)

On 07/10/2014 at 1:27am - misc - by library book - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband came clean to having an affair with my sister. I later found out my other sister encouraged the affair because she thought they'd be a cute couple. FML

#21194001
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55564) - you deserved it (4012)

On 06/30/2014 at 5:06pm - love - by outoflove (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML

#21188385
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37027) - you deserved it (25214)

On 06/25/2014 at 8:20pm - work - by Respect101 (man) - United States (Texas)



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