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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

#19967014
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18682) - you deserved it (3131)

On 07/21/2012 at 4:00am - kids - by It was the 11 year old - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my sister-in-law is getting married. She is one of my best friends, and was my maid of honor when I got married. She's asked me to serve punch at hers. FML

Today, my fiancé's grandmother kept trying to introduce him to this "simply absolutely amazing girl," who she thought "would be just the perfect date" for him. At our engagement party. FML

#19931500
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21928) - you deserved it (1151)

On 07/13/2012 at 2:47am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

#19926709
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30690) - you deserved it (3891)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss asked me if he could pay me in gum. Thinking he was playing around, I agreed. He wasn't playing around. FML

#19921973
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19098) - you deserved it (8187)

On 07/11/2012 at 1:29am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML

#19919285
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24152) - you deserved it (2747)

On 07/10/2012 at 3:33pm - misc - by I_Has_A_Fishy - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

#19918441
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6323) - you deserved it (25347)

On 07/10/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by mustanggt (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML

#19917515
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12503) - you deserved it (23728)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)

Today, I picked up my car from the repair shop, drove two miles, and ran out of gas. I then walked to get gas, put a gallon of gas in the car, and tried to start it. The battery was too weak to start the car, and died on the spot. FML

#19896001
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21496) - you deserved it (2100)

On 07/05/2012 at 4:24pm - misc - by 303 - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked the 7-year-old that I was babysitting if he could burp on command. He said he could, and began to demonstrate. It turns out he couldn't purposely burp, but he definitely could vomit on command. FML

#19884890
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7198) - you deserved it (22294)

On 07/03/2012 at 7:33am - kids - by ew (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally achieved the perfect hourglass figure. Too bad I'm a guy. FML

#19844120
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18984) - you deserved it (4584)

On 06/25/2012 at 10:05am - misc - by Wwiimaniac (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML

#19778699
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23332) - you deserved it (1860)

On 06/12/2012 at 8:24pm - love - by Az (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I fell going down the stairs and hit my head on the wall. My parents came frantically running to my side, but only to make sure I hadn't damaged the wall. FML

#19761942
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16158) - you deserved it (1557)

On 06/09/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Lily (woman) - United States (Texas)



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