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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

#21358985
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (123) - you deserved it (31537)

On 02/19/2015 at 12:45am - intimacy - by heymacie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking to my best friend's brother after we drunkenly hooked up last night. I've had a crush on him for over a year. He ended up interrupting himself and said, "Please don't tell anyone about this. I don't want anyone to think we're dating or anything." FML

#21357951
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29174) - you deserved it (4947)

On 02/17/2015 at 10:48am - intimacy - by foreveralone - United States (Texas)

Today, while talking with my ex, I mentioned I was depressed about turning 40. He said he'd been depressed about turning 40 as well, until he started screwing hot 20-somethings. We were still together when he turned 40. FML

#21357283
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35159) - you deserved it (3738)

On 02/16/2015 at 11:39am - intimacy - by notdaddy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I spent an ungodly amount of money to send my long-distance boyfriend a giant bouquet of roses for Valentine's Day. A few hours after making the non-refundable payment, he let me know we weren't going to work out, and that he was already sleeping with someone else. FML

#21355292
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31846) - you deserved it (3773)

On 02/13/2015 at 11:13am - love - by cyprianista - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I beat her once again in a trivia game. She said that I was cheating, and if I was cheating on the game, I was definitely cheating on her as well. FML

#21354669
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33151) - you deserved it (3162)

On 02/12/2015 at 11:25am - love - by Vampire Teabag - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out the only reason my parents want me to live with them is because of the tax refund. FML

#21353677
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29019) - you deserved it (2431)

On 02/10/2015 at 9:26pm - money - by Firewielder (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother called me, telling me how disappointed she was at how I let my room "become such a pigsty." I haven't lived there in three years. FML

#21352213
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28859) - you deserved it (1905)

On 02/08/2015 at 5:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

#21351411
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27344) - you deserved it (5943)

On 02/07/2015 at 9:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

#21351381
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47928) - you deserved it (3783)

On 02/07/2015 at 6:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

#21350749
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33811) - you deserved it (3419)

On 02/06/2015 at 2:06am - animals - by ZAnon - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking to my friend in Spanish because he understands it better than English. We were in the middle of a discussion about a TV show when some guy from our school ran up, spat on my shoes and screamed, "I SPEAK SPANISH, STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!" and ran away. FML

Today, I shaved for the first time. My mum gave me a razor and I spent about 20 minutes trying to use it. I gave up, yelling, "FUCK IT!" and put it back on the shelf. It fell, and as it hit the floor, a lid fell off. I'd tried to shave with a sheathed razor for 20 minutes. FML

#21349366
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14649) - you deserved it (38288)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:45pm - health - by februarymarchapril (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got back from a two-day trip for which I'd left my husband and kids at home. There's fresh vomit inside of my oven, and my 4 year old son has a mullet. FML

#21347579
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32162) - you deserved it (3685)

On 02/01/2015 at 12:50am - misc - by neverleavingagain (woman) - United States (Texas)



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