FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors and their 4 kids all under the age of 6. I met them due to all the thudding upstairs. FML

by pacelily / 08/30/2016 at 4:32pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got food poisoning in the middle of the wilderness while hiking in a state park with my husband. I had to tend to nature several times before we reached our car. The only supplies I had was a bottle of water and a laminated trail map. It was part of an anniversary trip. How romantic. FML

by lkvetched / 08/30/2016 at 1:23pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML

by KayIsKiwi99 / 08/29/2016 at 3:00pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was motivated enough to run on the treadmill for the first time in a long time. The movement knocked my downstairs neighbor's ceiling fan down. FML

by meglast / 08/29/2016 at 12:48pm / United States (Texas) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after months of eating lunch with my best friend, going to Barnes and Noble, and having to poop while I was there, I realized I've trained myself to have to poop every single time I step into a Barnes and Noble. FML

by nes0385 / 08/27/2016 at 12:06pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't stuck rooming together for the rest of a semester that hasn't even started yet. FML

by outofluckatcollege / 08/27/2016 at 3:33am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my new supervisor arrived after my old one had transferred away and we had a quick evaluation meeting. As it turns out, I'm not actually a good employee like I thought. I just had a shitty boss who didn't care enough to let me know I wasn't meeting company standards. FML

by UnderAcheiver / 08/26/2016 at 4:46pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I heard my dog chewing on something. I called her over, held out my hand, and told her to drop it. She dropped it into my hand, and I was proud of her. That was until I realized it was cat poop. FML

by Caqtusmonkey / 08/25/2016 at 11:28am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my overprotective dad bolted all of my windows shut so that I don't turn out like my sister and sneak out or sneak boys in. FML

by notthesame / 08/18/2016 at 12:45am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked out this girl at work who I've had a crush on for a while. She looked oddly familiar, aside from the fact that we worked together. It was almost like we'd met outside of work. Two hours and one Snapchat story later, I realized I'd asked out my best friend's girlfriend. FML

by okaythen / 08/14/2016 at 3:21pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I ordered two double cheeseburgers from McDonald's and asked for one of them without pickles so they would think I was ordering for two people. Both burgers were for me. FML

by hamburglar / 08/11/2016 at 2:46pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, while working at a fine-dining restaurant, I was dicing veggies. I was paying such close attention to make sure the veggies were all the same size, that I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

by Chef stupid / 08/11/2016 at 11:32am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I'm so broke, I resorted to breaking into my old apartment complex to do my laundry in the basement for free. FML

by itscalledaphonecontractretards / 08/09/2016 at 1:54pm / United States (Texas) / Money