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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my little sister was using my phone to play games. About an hour later, she came to me and said my phone wouldn't work. Turns out my phone had gotten hot and she put it in water to cool it down. FML

#21247999
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37660) - you deserved it (4364)

On 08/29/2014 at 5:22pm - kids - by Quincy_Ethan - United States (Texas)

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

#21247834
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36249) - you deserved it (3206)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

#21245451
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50674) - you deserved it (9738)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend started choking while at a Hard Rock Cafe. I jumped up and tried to give her the Heimlich maneuver, only for her to throw up all over the table and stagger out of the place. I stood there as the waiter asked if I wanted to split the bill. FML

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

#21236595
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35778) - you deserved it (6472)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, as I awoke, the sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and police sirens were wailing at a drug bust next door. FML

#21234535
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38400) - you deserved it (3136)

On 08/11/2014 at 1:11am - misc - by Ithoughtheywerenormalpeople (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

#21232717
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46701) - you deserved it (3175)

On 08/08/2014 at 6:53pm - love - by lonethong15 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband told his parents that he was quitting his job so that he could focus on school. They asked him what he was going to do for money. When I told them that I'd be the one working, they took one look at me and burst into laughter. FML

#21230924
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40234) - you deserved it (3873)

On 08/06/2014 at 12:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

#21230044
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45460) - you deserved it (6976)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by donutsex (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML

#21229613
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48853) - you deserved it (4182)

On 08/04/2014 at 10:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML

#21228488
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23353) - you deserved it (45137)

On 08/03/2014 at 2:49pm - misc - by ew - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend interrupted my proposal to take a selfie with the ice cream I had just bought her. She then said no. FML

#21227229
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51968) - you deserved it (5914)

On 08/02/2014 at 12:00am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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