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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML

#20718832
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41591) - you deserved it (5163)

On 06/11/2013 at 12:39am - kids - by sydneyp3435 - United States (Texas)

Today, I arrived at my grandparents'. They already had guests so I had to sleep in the cottage. It wasn’t that bad until when I was making the bed I found a dead rotting possum in the blankets. When I told my grandmother, she simply said, "Deal with it, wimp." FML

#20718430
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41802) - you deserved it (4062)

On 06/10/2013 at 10:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, at the gym, my boobs were jiggling more than the girl next to me. This would be a good thing, if I wasn't a guy. FML

#20712866
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47976) - you deserved it (15463)

On 06/08/2013 at 12:42am - health - by random - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not remembering our anniversary. Our three week anniversary. FML

#20702606
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58706) - you deserved it (6822)

On 06/03/2013 at 12:31am - love - by BadBoyfriend - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at my nursing internship. After helping a patient get into bed, I began to walk out of the room when I heard him say to another nurse, "Now that was a king sized lady". To make things even better, she didn't understand him the first time and I got to hear him say it again. FML

Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML

#20691712
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18425) - you deserved it (44444)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I cut my bangs. When I asked my boyfriend if he liked it he said, "It's like I'm dating a new girl, this way I won't get bored with you." FML

#20687072
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46768) - you deserved it (7610)

On 05/26/2013 at 10:15am - love - by thenewgirlfriend - United States (Texas)

Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML

#20673456
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46675) - you deserved it (3584)

On 05/19/2013 at 5:27pm - work - by harrington61 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML

#20661189
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47183) - you deserved it (5291)

On 05/13/2013 at 5:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatched my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML

#20651616
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56091) - you deserved it (3850)

On 05/09/2013 at 6:11am - misc - by Uwrongfodat (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

#20649920
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52389) - you deserved it (3873)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by trice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

#20646351
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30915) - you deserved it (39854)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML

#20643910
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47642) - you deserved it (6348)

On 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm - kids - by me - United States (Texas)



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