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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML

#20020225
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30953) - you deserved it (1581)

On 08/14/2012 at 5:06am - love - by cclllc (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML

#20016166
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13340) - you deserved it (8847)

On 08/12/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by FlorenceD - United States (Texas)

Today, my new boss, the CEO's son, finally showed up for work, three days late and right after lunch break. His first order of business was to call a meeting and scream at everyone for not having a diet latte waiting for him on his desk. God help us all. FML

#20013987
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25601) - you deserved it (1301)

On 08/10/2012 at 7:16pm - work - by SHIIIIITTTT (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went out with a friend to grab some food and we were served by this really cute and fun waiter. Stepping out of my comfort zone and deciding to do something crazy, I left my phone number on the bill. I got home only to realize that I forgot to pay the bill. FML

#20011112
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13354) - you deserved it (16892)

On 08/09/2012 at 7:39am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML

#20010086
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25795) - you deserved it (3182)

On 08/08/2012 at 7:03pm - love - by Dumbfounded - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom thought I was flying high on weed and nearly grounded me for it. I wasn't high, I was just actually in a good mood for the first time in a few weeks. FML

#19999290
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18376) - you deserved it (1342)

On 08/02/2012 at 10:14pm - misc - by HappyMan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML

#19998464
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11291) - you deserved it (17526)

On 08/02/2012 at 1:32pm - misc - by purplexangel (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that when I'm drunk, I hate wearing clothes. And it doesn't matter who is around to see it, not even my soon-to-be father-in-law. FML

#19997643
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5260) - you deserved it (20695)

On 08/02/2012 at 1:10am - misc - by wherermypants (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to do the laundry at my hotel. I had just enough money for my two loads. After getting frustrated with the washer taking two of my quarters and giving no credit, I took the clothes out. The washer then locked the door shut and started without my clothes. FML

#19996404
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20866) - you deserved it (3947)

On 08/01/2012 at 12:44pm - misc - by jessmess (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a coworker informed me that she thinks I may be descended from a race of goblins, because of my squat stature, ugly face and hairy arms. She was being completely serious. FML

#19995807
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18500) - you deserved it (1625)

On 08/01/2012 at 1:46am - work - by Goblin Girl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was upset over a recent break up. It showed while I was at work, and I made a customer sad just by looking blue. She complained to my manager. I got written up for being so depressed that I got a customer depressed too. FML

#19993921
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16183) - you deserved it (2064)

On 07/31/2012 at 2:42am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML

#19987947
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17549) - you deserved it (1842)

On 07/27/2012 at 7:55pm - misc - by WTF is all I ask (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my long-term boyfriend insisted on me going down on him. When I asked what he would do in return, he said "I was thinking McDonald's". FML

#19985281
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23211) - you deserved it (4310)

On 07/26/2012 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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