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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML

#20571304
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35120) - you deserved it (7605)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:30am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

#20564779
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42315) - you deserved it (19381)

On 03/29/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31313) - you deserved it (5899)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML

#20553491
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37620) - you deserved it (3379)

On 03/21/2013 at 9:31am - misc - by WetWalking - United States (Texas)

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

#20550428
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28439) - you deserved it (8235)

On 03/19/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had an interview for a job I really wanted. On my resume, I wrote that I speak conversational Spanish, although I don't. When I arrived for the interview, my interviewer decided to conduct it in Spanish. FML

#20549811
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8069) - you deserved it (83312)

On 03/18/2013 at 7:42pm - work - by nohablaespanol - United States (Texas)

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

#20539833
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22502) - you deserved it (48822)

On 03/11/2013 at 5:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML

#20538482
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34746) - you deserved it (3842)

On 03/10/2013 at 6:37pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met a guy in a bar. He was sweet and funny so I asked him out for coffee later. He quickly turned me down, saying that I didn't even meet his first requirement. His first requirement was "looks like a girl." FML

#20534087
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32744) - you deserved it (3961)

On 03/06/2013 at 10:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, l took my new boyfriend to the place where my ex and I used to hook up, only to find out that my ex and his new girl had the same idea. FML

#20517120
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16907) - you deserved it (52539)

On 02/22/2013 at 1:12am - intimacy - by wrongplacewrongtime - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML

#20505035
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28217) - you deserved it (5683)

On 02/13/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by please leave... - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

#20503744
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28383) - you deserved it (3890)

On 02/12/2013 at 3:15pm - animals - by Turdfoot (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML

#20501884
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35074) - you deserved it (2950)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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