FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, as I awoke, the sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and police sirens were wailing at a drug bust next door. FML

by Ithoughtheywerenormalpeople / 08/11/2014 at 1:11am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

by lonethong15 / 08/08/2014 at 6:53pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my husband told his parents that he was quitting his job so that he could focus on school. They asked him what he was going to do for money. When I told them that I'd be the one working, they took one look at me and burst into laughter. FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2014 at 12:57pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

by donutsex / 08/05/2014 at 12:48pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2014 at 10:00pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML

by ew / 08/03/2014 at 2:49pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend interrupted my proposal to take a selfie with the ice cream I had just bought her. She then said no. FML

by Anonymous / 08/02/2014 at 12:00am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. The L-word is probably one of the only things I'm scared to say, so what did he do? He stared at me blankly before making a farting noise with his mouth and asking if he could go get Chicken Express for dinner. FML

by Humiliated & Heart-Broken / 07/30/2014 at 12:41am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I dyed a friend's hair dark brown. She assured me I didn't need gloves as the dye would wash off. It didn't. My shift as a server is in an hour and it looks like I've been working in a tire shop my whole life. Goodbye tips, hello angry customers not wanting me anywhere near their food. FML

by EliTheAdorable / 07/28/2014 at 1:50am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found the iPod touch that my mother claimed was stolen at the mall a few years ago, lying on her bed, still logged in to her Facebook. Thanks, mom. FML

by d4rkxf0x / 07/22/2014 at 11:54am / United States (Texas) / Geek

Today, I was helping out at my church. At lunchtime, a really cute guy my age walked over and told me I was pretty. I was flattered, until I turned around and saw his annoyed buddies handing him several dollar bills. FML

by what people do for money / 07/18/2014 at 12:45pm / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

by thedoc / 07/14/2014 at 11:25pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the public library for the first time ever. The librarian told me I couldn't get a library card because I had an outstanding balance of $130.00 from 1995. I was born in 1991. FML

by library book / 07/10/2014 at 1:27am / United States (Texas) / Money