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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I received gorgeous orchids from my long distance boyfriend. I was excited about it and told my parents. They still are convinced I have no boyfriend and I mailed the flowers to myself. FML

#18305013
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27179) - you deserved it (2727)

On 11/21/2011 at 2:22am - love - by nightowl506 - United States (Texas)

Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML

#18284255
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17633) - you deserved it (2032)

On 11/18/2011 at 8:58pm - love - by Trey - United States (Texas)

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

#18267814
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21061) - you deserved it (5850)

On 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML

#18266824
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7097) - you deserved it (22924)

On 11/16/2011 at 7:37pm - misc - by dunicha - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to renew my driver's license at the DMV. Earlier, I was in a play and was still covered in stage makeup. I didn't realize that not all of it had come off until after my picture was taken and put on my new license. For the next three years, I'll be the guy with the dark eyeliner. FML

#18247557
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15549) - you deserved it (5832)

On 11/14/2011 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, it was laundry day. After my fifth and final load, I noticed I never added any laundry detergent. FML

#18239107
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14869) - you deserved it (13677)

On 11/13/2011 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a promise ring. It was so sweet and romantic, until he said, "I want to marry you one day. But I want to date some other girls first." FML

#18224310
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31702) - you deserved it (2232)

On 11/12/2011 at 12:06am - love - by so romantic - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML

#18200720
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19779) - you deserved it (2574)

On 11/09/2011 at 9:48am - animals - by blacktyaffair - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother panicked and was about to report me missing when I didn't answer her calls while I was at a movie. I'm 31, and have lived on my own for over 10 years. FML

#18182410
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26675) - you deserved it (1700)

On 11/07/2011 at 7:13am - misc - by maf811 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on the toilet, and then had to give my boss a valid reason for why I was late. FML

#18181534
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16453) - you deserved it (3352)

On 11/07/2011 at 1:49am - work - by Courtney - United States (Texas)

Today, I picked up a broken piece of seemingly velvety cactus to show my mom. I now have a million microscopic, painful splinters in my fingers. FML

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

#18167431
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19056) - you deserved it (2936)

On 11/05/2011 at 7:35pm - health - by Shelbs - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a group of attractive guys at the mall. One of them looked exactly like a friend, so I decided to take a picture. Trying to be discreet, I put my phone up to my ear as if I was making a phone call, and pressed the capture button. The flash went off. FML

#18114247
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6301) - you deserved it (29075)

On 10/30/2011 at 7:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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