FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, when leaving my apartment, I instantly noticed there was a giant dump truck in our lot, which turned out to be directly behind my car. After making a 20-point escape from my parking space and getting to work late, my roommate texts me "DUDE guess what I got last night". A giant dump truck. FML

by dump truck hater / 06/03/2015 at 12:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was riding my newly trained horse. I've recently been suffering from bad gas, and ended up farting so violently, it spooked my horse into bucking me off and running away. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2015 at 11:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2015 at 3:28am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that a classmate and I have the same glasses. To prove it, I tried bending his glasses, since mine are flexible and can bend. I snapped his glasses in half. FML

by smartass / 05/29/2015 at 10:31pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2015 at 10:52pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he was dating me. He replied, "Well, there's not a lot of options at this college." FML

by what even / 05/14/2015 at 6:17pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2015 at 2:50pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

by Bonnie and Clyde / 05/07/2015 at 10:18pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, after waking up in a panic because I was running late for work again, I realized I was fired for that exact reason the day before. FML

by Jobless in Seattle / 05/04/2015 at 10:08pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, after waiting for 2 weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML

by xxlenalunaxx / 04/29/2015 at 7:11am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML

by simple living / 04/28/2015 at 10:43pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, due to awkward circumstances, I am living with my ex-girlfriend and her new girlfriend. FML

by Junkiegamer / 04/27/2015 at 10:20am / United States (Texas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she might interpret it as, "I don't think we should have sex ever again," and entirely stop talking to you. FML

by Sexless from Texas / 04/24/2015 at 7:38am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy