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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, in a fit of paranoid hysteria, my mom threw out my phone, claiming the NSA can look through the camera to spy on me. I guess that's why you're still using your own phone to sext your latest boyfriend, eh mom? FML

#20737057
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38832) - you deserved it (2549)

On 06/20/2013 at 12:02pm - misc - by whoriblemomindeed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I helped an elderly lady put a bookshelf in her car. She then thanked me by hitting me with her car as she drove out of the parking lot. FML

#20736007
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37658) - you deserved it (2755)

On 06/19/2013 at 9:09pm - work - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I caught my 16-year-old daughter and her boyfriend trying to use a latex glove as a condom. FML

#20735858
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53806) - you deserved it (8463)

On 06/19/2013 at 7:40pm - intimacy - by whatno - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

#20733893
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42275) - you deserved it (20143)

On 06/18/2013 at 7:27pm - animals - by CatLover<3 - United States (Texas)

Today, my parents took my iPad back to the store and exchanged it for two cheap knock off tablets. Reason being my little brother threatened to run away because I had one and he didn't. I bought the iPad on my own after graduation. They kept the difference in price. FML

Today, as I was walking home, I noticed a man and a woman arguing in their driveway. To avoid an awkward situation, I crossed the street. I then had to walk past a creepy guy watering his plants in his underwear while looking directly at me. FML

#20732528
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36096) - you deserved it (5347)

On 06/18/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by ProAwkward - United States (Texas)

Today, I accidentally left some music playing on my iPad, then left to do some errands. When I came back, I found it smashed into a million pieces. Apparently, grandpa couldn't find any other way to "shut off that goddamn music." FML

#20722030
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47895) - you deserved it (10766)

On 06/12/2013 at 5:45pm - misc - by MsGlaDos - United States (Texas)

Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML

#20718832
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41501) - you deserved it (5158)

On 06/11/2013 at 12:39am - kids - by sydneyp3435 - United States (Texas)

Today, I arrived at my grandparents'. They already had guests so I had to sleep in the cottage. It wasn’t that bad until when I was making the bed I found a dead rotting possum in the blankets. When I told my grandmother, she simply said, "Deal with it, wimp." FML

#20718430
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41736) - you deserved it (4054)

On 06/10/2013 at 10:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, at the gym, my boobs were jiggling more than the girl next to me. This would be a good thing, if I wasn't a guy. FML

#20712866
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47864) - you deserved it (15441)

On 06/08/2013 at 12:42am - health - by random - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not remembering our anniversary. Our three week anniversary. FML

#20702606
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58575) - you deserved it (6812)

On 06/03/2013 at 12:31am - love - by BadBoyfriend - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at my nursing internship. After helping a patient get into bed, I began to walk out of the room when I heard him say to another nurse, "Now that was a king sized lady". To make things even better, she didn't understand him the first time and I got to hear him say it again. FML

Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML

#20691712
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18123) - you deserved it (43855)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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