Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

#20646351
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30777) - you deserved it (39697)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML

#20643910
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47216) - you deserved it (6306)

On 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm - kids - by me - United States (Texas)

Today, I was checking out a customer who seemed quite friendly. As I finished, he reached slightly over the counter and I impulsively reached out and shook his hand. He gave me a dumbfounded look and said, "Can I have my change please?" FML

#20640271
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24253) - you deserved it (31424)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:17am - work - by charishard - United States (Texas)

Today, I was feeling down about being stuck in bed after ankle surgery. I thought I would go ahead and call my boss and let him know everything went well. He said the obligatory nice things, then told me that if I'm not at work on Monday, I'll be fired. I can't even get out of bed. FML

#20638400
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44535) - you deserved it (3034)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:35am - work - by clutzasaurus (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML

#20636739
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40555) - you deserved it (3855)

On 05/02/2013 at 11:04am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 15-year-old brother got busted for selling pills at school. The officer said they were reddish pink, so we searched the house for that kind of pill. Turns out it was my dog's medicine from over 4 years ago. FML

#20620041
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43317) - you deserved it (4034)

On 04/25/2013 at 12:54am - kids - by kkt - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML

#20594384
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40563) - you deserved it (2440)

On 04/15/2013 at 6:11pm - misc - by MyLifeSucks (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, trying to be friendly, I said good morning to the creepy guy at work. He responded by wordlessly hugging me. I was touched, until I realized he was trying to unhook my bra. FML

#20588922
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46194) - you deserved it (7752)

On 04/13/2013 at 9:14pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm from eagerly scratching off a lottery ticket. No, I didn't win anything. FML

#20576976
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24947) - you deserved it (15198)

On 04/06/2013 at 12:59am - health - by Kotoko (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML

#20571304
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34963) - you deserved it (7592)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:30am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

#20564779
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42108) - you deserved it (19320)

On 03/29/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30816) - you deserved it (5836)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML

#20553491
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36737) - you deserved it (3308)

On 03/21/2013 at 9:31am - misc - by WetWalking - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: