FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I was called a selfish brat for asking for a pillow as my birthday present. FML

by youdontknowmewhy / 06/29/2015 at 3:42am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, after all of the business cards for the car dealership that I work for were printed, the phone number was wrong, and the lady got so pissed about getting so many calls that she told them that they had won a free car. I had to tell dozens of ecstatic customers that they hadn't. FML

by Luke / 06/23/2015 at 6:37pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, while taking a slow night at my waitressing job, I thought I heard the sound of crying coming from the kitchen. I rushed in, thinking something terrible had happened. Nope, the bus boy was just watching porn on his phone with no headphones. FML

by koanroak / 06/21/2015 at 11:08pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML

by organizse / 06/20/2015 at 10:03am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML

by poorlyparented / 06/16/2015 at 8:05am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, while talking to my parents, I dropped an ordinary drinking glass. After I apologized and cleaned the mess, they told me that they had decided that if I couldn't be careful at home, I certainly couldn't be careful on the roads. They took away my keys. I'm 19. FML

by PatientlyDying / 06/15/2015 at 7:07pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my husband going down on another woman. Instead of speaking, he looked at me, got up, and slammed the door. FML

by lolatmylovelife / 06/11/2015 at 4:51pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on me, because she set her Facebook relationship to "single" before screwing my brother. FML

by waiting till marriage, she said / 06/10/2015 at 11:28am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I saw someone accidentally leave their headlights on downtown. Trying to be a helpful, I chased them down 2 blocks only to be informed that their headlights automatically turn off. FML

by TheGolfGTI / 06/10/2015 at 3:08am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that my husband really thinks onion rings are seafood. He's 36. FML

by onionrings / 06/07/2015 at 8:53pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

by cockblockedbyFB / 06/06/2015 at 9:01am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML

by Anonymous / 06/05/2015 at 2:05pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, when leaving my apartment, I instantly noticed there was a giant dump truck in our lot, which turned out to be directly behind my car. After making a 20-point escape from my parking space and getting to work late, my roommate texts me "DUDE guess what I got last night". A giant dump truck. FML

by dump truck hater / 06/03/2015 at 12:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous