Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (20015) - you deserved it (7530)
On 03/24/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by purple - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to a concert with my new boyfriend. I had a panic attack halfway through and an ambulance picked me up. My boyfriend met my parents for the first time drunk, in the emergency room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15426) - you deserved it (4351)
On 03/23/2012 at 11:51pm - love - by anon - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend drove to my house to break up with me. He only did so after I'd vacuumed the whole house to compensate for his cat allergies. I thought he was just coming to dinner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16180) - you deserved it (1488)
On 03/22/2012 at 8:06am - love - by Ima in Hungary (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23037) - you deserved it (6855)
On 03/21/2012 at 3:27am - intimacy - by ReallyBro (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3745) - you deserved it (19244)
On 03/20/2012 at 4:16am - misc - by argh (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I got my dog back from my aunt. Rather than taking him to an actual groomer, I gave him to my aunt because she needed a few extra bucks. My generosity lost me $35, and gave my dog ticks and a bad haircut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12715) - you deserved it (3226)
On 03/18/2012 at 11:09pm - animals - by tickdog - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18537) - you deserved it (7430)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by unendowed - United States (Texas)
Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18272) - you deserved it (1963)
On 03/17/2012 at 12:37am - work - by CDeVeney92 - United States (Texas)
Today, I managed to staple my finger while showing my kindergartner class how to properly use one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7048) - you deserved it (12380)
On 03/16/2012 at 2:02am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I decided to finally try out the veggie slicer I bought a few months ago to make healthy homemade potato chips. Along with the sliced potatoes, I am now missing about a quarter inch chunk of skin from the side of my hand and quite a bit of blood. At least the chips were good. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10990) - you deserved it (8448)
On 03/15/2012 at 3:53am - health - by missgayle319 - United States (Texas)
Today, I had a mild epileptic seizure. My mom's immediate reaction was not to comfort me or call for help, but to freak out over the fact that I'd spilled my glass of milk over the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20290) - you deserved it (1298)
On 03/13/2012 at 12:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17555) - you deserved it (6936)
On 03/13/2012 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Wow (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was the 10th caller on a radio show. I answered the question correctly. The DJ informed I won a free air guitar of my choosing. I yelled with excitement over the air. The DJ then instructed me how to use my new air guitar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7980) - you deserved it (26504)
On 03/09/2012 at 11:55am - misc - by h4rdy (man) - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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