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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

#20894038
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49053) - you deserved it (2990)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:15am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out I was adopted when my drunk dad made a terrible Star Wars joke. FML

#20893338
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39010) - you deserved it (2470)

On 09/23/2013 at 6:49pm - misc - by theynamedmeluke (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized the only "person" I have talked to in the last two days is Siri. FML

#20891258
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35791) - you deserved it (7823)

On 09/22/2013 at 9:34am - misc - by me - United States (Texas)

Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML

#20889450
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64866) - you deserved it (6265)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:30pm - intimacy - by oops - United States (Texas)

Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML

#20889129
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32499) - you deserved it (10848)

On 09/20/2013 at 4:31pm - misc - by fuckwank (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my colleagues and I found out that our boss has been taking business advice from an astrologer as well as a soothsayer. FML

#20886196
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32139) - you deserved it (2410)

On 09/18/2013 at 2:34am - work - by CrystalsDontWork - United States (Texas)

Today, my room mate told all of our mutual friends that he had walked in on me doing woodwork in my room. They all thought he meant he had caught me rubbing one out. I'm actually building a guitar. FML

#20883989
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45947) - you deserved it (3207)

On 09/16/2013 at 5:11pm - intimacy - by I have wood (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my sister came out of her room sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked what was wrong, she put her fingers in my face and asked if they smelled like pickles, and if "that's normal for girls". They did. It's not. FML

#20880468
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42498) - you deserved it (3166)

On 09/14/2013 at 1:42am - health - by Carebeareatu (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking down the street when a "homeless" man asked for money. I gave him a dollar and he got up and called his friend on an iPhone. FML

#20879472
166 comments

Today, I officially became a divorced marriage counselor. FML

#20877295
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44324) - you deserved it (7247)

On 09/11/2013 at 5:35pm - work - by natattack - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out I do not have a fast metabolism, I've actually had a tape worm living inside me for 3 years. FML

#20875969
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56305) - you deserved it (3252)

On 09/10/2013 at 5:41pm - health - by Iskylite (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

#20874571
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53561) - you deserved it (6212)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that I have a rack and butt most girls would be jealous of. That wouldn't be bad if I wasn't a dude. FML



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