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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML

#20862659
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41221) - you deserved it (5104)

On 09/01/2013 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML

#20860701
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44907) - you deserved it (5718)

On 08/30/2013 at 6:56pm - love - by >_< (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was told that the $500 I'm owed for babysitting isn't going to happen. Why? Because after six months of watching a friend's six children, she's moved 120 miles away and no longer needs me. FML

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

#20856004
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35922) - you deserved it (4019)

On 08/27/2013 at 12:36am - kids - by Parenting... (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, during one of my first days as a teacher, a student stole my phone. FML

#20855620
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40003) - you deserved it (4523)

On 08/26/2013 at 8:22pm - work - by gunnerdog (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

#20848750
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52910) - you deserved it (8008)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by none - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was walking downstairs to get breakfast, I saw my parents had decided to have a quickie on the couch. I had to awkwardly stand out of sight on the stairs, too scared to go down, or even back up, because our stairs creak. FML

Today, I went to see a therapist for help with my severe fear of spiders. The therapist held a big spider in a box inches away from my face. I ran to the back of the room and asked him why. He responded with, "Aren't therapists supposed to help you face your fears?" I'm paying $150 an hour. FML

#20846128
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38565) - you deserved it (7095)

On 08/20/2013 at 9:41am - health - by no that does not help (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my sister had an emotional breakdown because two guys love her and she can't pick just one. Meanwhile I'm single and spend my time laying treats on my floor in a pattern and watching my rabbit run in circles. FML

#20843729
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44020) - you deserved it (3784)

On 08/18/2013 at 9:36pm - misc - by Having a pretty sister sucks. - United States (Texas)

Today, my 12-year-old son was shot in the foot. After hours of not talking, including to the police, he finally told us that his friend accidentally shot him with his dad's gun, and that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to "lose any street cred by snitching." FML

#20836449
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49766) - you deserved it (6107)

On 08/14/2013 at 12:26am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my 26-year-old boyfriend came to my apartment to spend the night for the first time. He brought a "blankie" that he insisted was the only thing that could help him sleep. That "blankie" was his ex-girlfriend's silk nightgown. FML

#20833570
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52033) - you deserved it (3945)

On 08/12/2013 at 10:30am - love - by iwearsilkgownstoeatwaffles (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML

#20833377
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53737) - you deserved it (3365)

On 08/12/2013 at 4:17am - animals - by The Corner Of Death (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

#20825465
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56070) - you deserved it (4908)

On 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm - misc - by shampoomice (woman) - United States (Texas)



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