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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I dyed a friend's hair dark brown. She assured me I didn't need gloves as the dye would wash off. It didn't. My shift as a server is in an hour and it looks like I've been working in a tire shop my whole life. Goodbye tips, hello angry customers not wanting me anywhere near their food. FML

Today, I found the iPod touch that my mother claimed was stolen at the mall a few years ago, lying on her bed, still logged in to her Facebook. Thanks, mom. FML

#21217252
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41237) - you deserved it (3529)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:54am - misc - by d4rkxf0x - United States (Texas)

Today, I was helping out at my church. At lunchtime, a really cute guy my age walked over and told me I was pretty. I was flattered, until I turned around and saw his annoyed buddies handing him several dollar bills. FML

#21212865
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42866) - you deserved it (3617)

On 07/18/2014 at 12:45pm - money - by what people do for money - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

#21209385
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43707) - you deserved it (5131)

On 07/14/2014 at 11:25pm - intimacy - by thedoc (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the public library for the first time ever. The librarian told me I couldn't get a library card because I had an outstanding balance of $130.00 from 1995. I was born in 1991. FML

#21204670
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46225) - you deserved it (3965)

On 07/10/2014 at 1:27am - misc - by library book - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband came clean to having an affair with my sister. I later found out my other sister encouraged the affair because she thought they'd be a cute couple. FML

#21194001
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53006) - you deserved it (3791)

On 06/30/2014 at 5:06pm - love - by outoflove (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML

#21188385
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36301) - you deserved it (24666)

On 06/25/2014 at 8:20pm - work - by Respect101 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after nearly a year of being stalked, harassed and even terrorized, the police finally found out who my stalker was. It was my 19-year-old son, who thought it would be a fun prank to pull. FML

#21185679
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46267) - you deserved it (5299)

On 06/23/2014 at 7:13pm - kids - by Anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my life is so boring that I started looking through my can of coins and sorting them out by year. The oldest coin I have is from 1963. FML

#21181414
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38120) - you deserved it (8208)

On 06/20/2014 at 1:05am - misc - by Gibbster_ (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, in a last ditch attempt to get away from my psycho coworker, I made my boss transfer me to another branch in the district. My coworker was immediately moved to that branch, because we "work well together". FML

#21176055
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45115) - you deserved it (4253)

On 06/15/2014 at 10:21pm - work - by Godhelpme (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was using my phone while in a crowded waiting room, and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The first words everyone heard? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML

#21174627
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46100) - you deserved it (22751)

On 06/14/2014 at 5:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my husband has a fake Facebook account that he uses to add guys and live a double life as some kind of "gamer chick". This would be disturbing enough, even if he hadn't used pictures of me to give a face to his alter ego. FML

#21173506
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39727) - you deserved it (3736)

On 06/13/2014 at 5:07pm - misc - by Little Miss Fucket (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my two cats decided to have a brawl on top of me. I was just trying to get to sleep. Now I'm covered in scratches. FML



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