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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I decided to give my dog a bath. Instead, my dog gave me a bath. FML

#21461710
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13786) - you deserved it (2405)

On 08/28/2015 at 1:18pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML

#21461344
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8570) - you deserved it (24811)

On 08/27/2015 at 1:44pm - love - by O0hdear - United States (Texas)

Today, I've reached the point in my life where the "Apply to affected area" label on acne cream essentially means I need to take a bath in the stuff. FML

#21460776
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21145) - you deserved it (1677)

On 08/26/2015 at 12:33am - health - by Whiteheads - United States (Texas)

Today, after putting in 110% at my shitty job for two years straight, my boss told me point-blank I'm too good in my current position for him to ever be able to justify promoting me. FML

#21460378
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21052) - you deserved it (1362)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:51am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I turned in an essay about a book I'd read over the summer. My teacher later called me to her desk and began to gush about how interesting the book sounded and asked to borrow my copy. The book I wrote about is not real, and the main characters are named after my childhood pets. FML

#21458720
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20399) - you deserved it (14463)

On 08/21/2015 at 1:15am - misc - by technicallywroteabook (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was driving home. I desperately needed the bathroom, so I was speeding a little bit. A cop pulled me over and gave me hell. He said he'd heard my story a hundred times and didn't believe me. I couldn't hold it and ended up marinating in my own piss while he ran my plates. FML

#21458464
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21287) - you deserved it (2421)

On 08/20/2015 at 1:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my niece started crying because she thought that someday she'll look like me. FML

#21458278
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22508) - you deserved it (1728)

On 08/19/2015 at 11:25pm - kids - by ambiiii - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized how cheap I am when I blacked out at a water park and some one yelled "Call 911!" I tried to mutter out "No, that's too expensive!" FML

#21456805
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13208) - you deserved it (13691)

On 08/16/2015 at 6:14pm - health - by extremereviews - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I had any kinks, so I told him all about them. He was actually mad because I didn't have the same 'sexy kinks' the girls in porn have. FML

#21456100
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22759) - you deserved it (1808)

On 08/14/2015 at 6:42pm - intimacy - by maybe if i was paid like them i would (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML

#21455862
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19518) - you deserved it (1664)

On 08/14/2015 at 3:01am - animals - by MushyKetchup (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. When I went to change into tight jeans which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled: "It's the mommy show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML

#21454009
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22856) - you deserved it (2084)

On 08/09/2015 at 8:37pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry customer, but I managed to keep my cool. When he finally went to leave with his purchase, I wished him a good day. He whirled around and yelled "I'll have whatever the fuck kind of day I want, bitch!" FML

#21453572
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26323) - you deserved it (1792)

On 08/08/2015 at 6:23pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML

#21453385
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25629) - you deserved it (1677)

On 08/08/2015 at 2:23am - love - by single (man) - United States (Texas)



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