FMLs submitted from Tennessee

Today, as my friend was rudely rummaging through my phone, she saw a picture of the pottery I've painted her for Christmas. Not only did she see it, but she also declared it ugly. That's probably the present I'm the most proud of this Christmas. FML

by a / 12/06/2012 at 1:15am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the age of 29, I now have a relationship on par with a teenager's. Several weeks ago, my fiancé and I lost our home, and are now back living with our respective families. We now have no privacy. I actually just got dropped off at home, before 10, after having sex in a hay field. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2012 at 12:19am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, while studying liver pathology and highlighting important lines in my textbook, I realized that I could count the number of words I hadn't highlighted on one hand, over the last six pages. FML

by ThisisMedSchool / 11/01/2012 at 5:18pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I decided to tell our sixteen-year-old daughter that she's adopted. Her response was, "Thank God!" FML

by best_mom_ever / 10/19/2012 at 3:59am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, my roommate set her extremely loud alarm clock for 5am and continued to hit the snooze button every ten minutes until 7:30. FML

by tiredofthis / 10/10/2012 at 1:38pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML

by disgusted / 10/04/2012 at 7:24pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got lost at Best Buy. Meanwhile, my mom freaked out, and they called out my name over the intercom. When I walked up to the desk and they saw I was 17, the employees burst out laughing. FML

by Anna / 10/02/2012 at 1:37pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was made aware that my teenage son used "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" as a reference point in a class debate as if it was a biopic. Oh dear. FML

by Hmmmm / 09/20/2012 at 10:58am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, some friends told me that my natural body odor smells like cooked beef and roasted onions. I'm disgustingly delicious. FML

by hungry? / 07/22/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, I went to a movie with this guy. He was late so the only seats available were the ones in the very front which he refused to sit in. As we were looking for two seats, he spotted one near the back and sat down, leaving me to sit by myself in the front. FML

by BC94 / 07/16/2012 at 12:21am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I was at the airport. I was on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was 4. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to f*ck off. The strange man was my father. FML

by BunniesOnAcid / 07/03/2012 at 7:01pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML

by daddy'sgirl / 06/21/2012 at 12:11am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I found out how my parents met. They met at a mental hospital, where they were both being hospitalized. FML

by fail / 06/15/2012 at 11:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Love