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FMLs submitted from Tennessee

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML

#17115865
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42720) - you deserved it (9225)

On 07/15/2011 at 12:53am - intimacy - by krissy8799 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31031) - you deserved it (89850)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I locked lips with someone, or rather something, other than family for the first time in my life. It was a CPR dummy. FML

#16486194
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27233) - you deserved it (6744)

On 06/03/2011 at 5:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

#16410366
406 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16664) - you deserved it (77115)

On 05/29/2011 at 11:34pm - intimacy - by yummy - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML

#16371411
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29892) - you deserved it (3227)

On 05/27/2011 at 11:31am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my mom told my abusive ex-boyfriend, whom I broke up with 5 days ago, that he is always welcome at my house. She "misses him". FML

#16010134
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46569) - you deserved it (3354)

On 05/01/2011 at 9:05pm - love - by exnotwelcome19 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, the tree that my neighbors have neglected to cut down fell on my car. They claim that by law, they aren't responsible and don't have to pay for it. FML

#16003860
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33801) - you deserved it (2995)

On 05/01/2011 at 12:31pm - money - by me - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

#15949821
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36942) - you deserved it (4831)

On 04/27/2011 at 3:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I dreamed that I was kidnapped by Charlie Sheen. FML

#15912541
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31129) - you deserved it (11517)

On 04/24/2011 at 9:10pm - misc - by woahitbechels - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After calling her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

#15893530
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24999) - you deserved it (3704)

On 04/23/2011 at 1:11am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was robbed. They took my father's ashes. FML

#15741508
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93774) - you deserved it (4780)

On 04/11/2011 at 3:29pm - misc - by stolen - United States (Tennessee)

­Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML

#15726248
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25981) - you deserved it (3453)

On 04/10/2011 at 3:32pm - animals - by a man - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my future mother-in-law informed me that since she is putting money into our wedding, that all the planning and arrangements are under her authority. FML

#15448287
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35841) - you deserved it (6302)

On 03/23/2011 at 12:38pm - money - by Username - United States (Tennessee)



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