FMLs submitted from Tennessee

Today, my mom told my abusive ex-boyfriend, whom I broke up with 5 days ago, that he is always welcome at my house. She "misses him". FML

by exnotwelcome19 / 05/01/2011 at 9:05pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, the tree that my neighbors have neglected to cut down fell on my car. They claim that by law, they aren't responsible and don't have to pay for it. FML

by me / 05/01/2011 at 12:31pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2011 at 3:16pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I dreamed that I was kidnapped by Charlie Sheen. FML

by woahitbechels / 04/24/2011 at 9:10pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After calling her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2011 at 1:11am / United States (Tennessee) / Animals

Today, I was robbed. They took my father's ashes. FML

by stolen / 04/11/2011 at 3:29pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

­Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML

by a man / 04/10/2011 at 3:32pm / United States (Tennessee) / Animals

Today, my future mother-in-law informed me that since she is putting money into our wedding, that all the planning and arrangements are under her authority. FML

by Username / 03/23/2011 at 12:38pm / United States (Tennessee) / Money

Today, I have no cell phone reception as I am visiting family who lives on the side of a mountain. They told me there was service on top of the mountain, so I hiked up. Only when I got there did I realize I'd left my phone back down at the house. FML

by nooooo / 03/16/2011 at 9:25pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the doctor for an infection from where a cat bit me while I was sleeping. Where that cat came from and how it got into my bedroom I will never know. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2011 at 9:19am / United States (Tennessee) / Animals

Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just hyperventilating. FML

by Anonymous / 03/08/2011 at 2:17am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend woke up to me crying. He asked what was wrong, but before I could answer, he'd already rolled over and started snoring louder than ever, making the migraine I was crying about even worse. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2011 at 1:59pm / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, I found out my friends call me 'Shamu the whale' behind my back. FML

by Shamu / 02/27/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous