FMLs submitted from Tennessee

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I heard a notification on my iPhone. I thought nothing of it until we were done, and then I checked it out. My mom had posted on my Facebook, telling me that if I didn't keep it down, she was going to come up to my room. FML

by ugadawgs09 / 11/02/2011 at 12:32am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML

by Nickolas Neffster / 10/04/2011 at 8:14pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML

by applesmama / 09/17/2011 at 12:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend cheated on me. But he justified it by saying she was a ginger. FML

by anonymous / 09/13/2011 at 8:07pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, I apologized to the cat for walking into the laundry room while he was using the litter box. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2011 at 2:05am / United States (Tennessee) / Animals

Today, a woman came into the gas station where I work, yelling because her credit card wouldn't read at the pump. I politely told her that I could set the pump up for a set amount, and she could swipe the card at the register. Her response: "You need Jesus." FML

by charliemann_ / 09/12/2011 at 10:28am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I found out that the man who offered to put up the woman I love in exchange for me helping out with his rent, has in fact been her "other" boyfriend since before she moved in. FML

by Just me / 09/09/2011 at 7:48pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, after using the bar of soap in the shower to wash my face, I looked down and noticed it was covered in my husband's pubes. FML

by Nasty / 08/30/2011 at 12:48pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I was fired because a 10-year-old shat his pants and couldn't follow directions. FML

by dck128 / 08/29/2011 at 6:05pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I found my truck broken into. Whoever broke in ripped my dash apart, and the stupid idiot couldn't get the radio out. So now I have a trashed truck interior, and the moron has nothing to show for it. He did leave behind his Subway wrapper though. FML

by Nick / 08/23/2011 at 2:42am / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation

Today, my mom tried to get me to shoplift. From the dollar store. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2011 at 8:21pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

by Tanner / 07/16/2011 at 2:23am / United States (Tennessee) / Money