FMLs submitted from Tennessee

Today, I got hit by a stray cantaloupe. That's not a typo. I hate my neighbors' kids with a burning passion. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2016 at 6:06am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, my dad uttered the words, "You gotta admit, your mother's got one hell of an ass." FML

by blaaargh / 02/27/2016 at 3:54am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I completed driving school. After 30 hours of classwork, 6 hours of driving lessons, and a very tough driving test, I passed and can now get a 15% safe driver insurance discount. My friend just told me he only had to watch a 15 minute video to get the same discount. FML

by Whatthehell / 02/20/2016 at 8:35pm / United States (Tennessee) / Money

Today, barely 2 hours into a 5 hour car ride home, my mom accidentally let slip that she's been cheating on my dad. I had to sit with the bitch in a diner for ages while my dad bawled his eyes out alone in the car. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2016 at 1:11am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, one of my professors left a cabinet door open whilst teaching class. The compulsion to get up and close it was so strong that I could barely concentrate on what was being taught. FML

by ChiefKoala / 01/22/2016 at 12:05pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, whilst in church, my brother's Sunday school teacher asked him what he loved to drink, to which he replied, "Beer." We have no idea why he said that, and the church is still talking to my parents. FML

by ChiefKoala / 01/17/2016 at 11:07am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2016 at 4:03pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, my girlfriend furiously bitched me out because I got more upset about my phone screen cracking than when she told me about the death of her cat. We hadn't even met when her cat died. Did she expect me to burst into tears from hearing the story? Guess who's single again! FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2016 at 5:33am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, it's been a week since I flew down to stay with my long distance boyfriend. We went on long walks on the shore, under the stars, and had an unforgettable picnic viewing the sunset. I just now received a message of screenshots displaying him attempting to hook up with another girl. FML

by Nothing Special / 12/23/2015 at 1:54am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, while giving my final speech, a bump that had been growing on my arm popped. Pus leaked through my white dress sleeve, and it smelled like death. Everyone noticed. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2015 at 3:24pm / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML

by cole66 / 11/29/2015 at 1:43pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me I should stop talking about his major gambling problem because he still loves me even though I gained weight. Apparently that evens things out. FML

by desigirl / 11/09/2015 at 8:03pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, my husband got angry and stormed out of the house because he claims I wasn't pressing the buttons he told me to while playing Pokemon. FML

by I'm my husband's second mom / 11/03/2015 at 2:14am / United States (Tennessee) / Love