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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Surrey

Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML

#21412386
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25709) - you deserved it (4050)

On 05/19/2015 at 2:45am - intimacy - by username - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

#21378887
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28633) - you deserved it (3409)

On 03/21/2015 at 11:12am - misc - by ajodasdojsad (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, while on the train heading to my new job, my coat caught between two seats. I didn't notice until my stop. I whacked myself in the face in front of everyone trying to get it free, and ended up missing my stop. When I finally got to work, I was told not to bother coming in again. FML

#21365771
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31441) - you deserved it (2520)

On 03/01/2015 at 8:31am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university students on my course on Russian history, stating that he'd "always thought Stalin was fake, like the moon landing". FML

#21346676
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25239) - you deserved it (1894)

On 01/30/2015 at 5:51am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I found out my boyfriend was on a dating website. He came up as an ideal match for my sister. FML

#21333814
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32077) - you deserved it (2514)

On 01/09/2015 at 7:06am - love - by ohdearyme - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, it's been less than a week since I finally got a job, after over a year of searching. I just found out that there's about to be a wave of layoffs. I haven't even gotten my first paycheck, and already I'm going to lose my job. FML

#21191583
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41635) - you deserved it (3527)

On 06/28/2014 at 3:09pm - work - by a fat fucking shit and proud of it (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML

#21112140
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41707) - you deserved it (4813)

On 04/13/2014 at 6:16pm - misc - by -.- - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I faced my social anxiety and went to a chip shop on my own. I tried to have a conversation with the owner, but his thick accent made it difficult. He now knows where I live, what college I go to and I'm pretty sure I agreed to go to India with him. FML

#21096939
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37910) - you deserved it (7640)

On 03/26/2014 at 2:06pm - misc - by sociallyawkward (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, while shopping for clothes, I asked the assistant to recommend something for me. She took me to the maternity section. Thanks, but I'm not pregnant. FML

#20956268
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37823) - you deserved it (7019)

On 11/13/2013 at 12:30pm - misc - by fml - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my mother was talking about a holiday she went on this time last year. She turned to me to say, "You would've loved it, it's a shame you couldn't come". I was there. It was just the two of us on holiday together. FML

#20938197
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37997) - you deserved it (2415)

On 10/29/2013 at 6:09pm - misc - by Liv (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I discovered that I have caught head lice from my son. Unfortunately, they are living in my chest hair. FML

#20902262
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36206) - you deserved it (3454)

On 09/30/2013 at 5:59pm - health - by hairy (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my car broke down. My dad insisted he could fix it, but screwed up in the process. After finally getting the car towed to a mechanic, I was told that I'd only needed a new water pump, but thanks to the damage my dad did, fixing it all will cost me a small fortune. FML

#20870135
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39693) - you deserved it (3395)

On 09/06/2013 at 12:10pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML

#20832639
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17305) - you deserved it (35397)

On 08/11/2013 at 7:23pm - health - by JustSayNo - United Kingdom (Surrey)



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