FMLs submitted from South Carolina

Today, my maid of honor, who offered to take care of my wedding dress before the D-Day, left it near her open window during heavy rain. My dress is now ruined, and she's backed out due to stress. I'm supposed to be getting married tomorrow. FML

by Meaghan / 02/12/2013 at 12:41pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, a bull escaped from the small farm down the street. It ended up in my yard and would not let me outside. I called animal control, who said, "We only deal with regular animals." FML

by bull-stuff / 01/17/2013 at 10:48pm / United States (South Carolina) / Animals

Today, I stepped outside the house with my wife. She looked up at the sky and asked me in all seriousness if stars are man-made. FML

by baby, baby no / 11/09/2012 at 1:39pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2012 at 9:31am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé told me that he was having second thoughts on our engagement. Instead of just calling it off, he took me to a fancy restaurant and took a public poll on whether we should get married. The majority said no. FML

by exfiancee / 08/05/2012 at 9:20am / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I called the cops to let them know that a drunk man was driving dangerously down my road. About an hour later, I was going to the store and got pulled over for speeding by the cop I called. FML

by SCdriver / 07/16/2012 at 2:04am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got enough money to buy the car I wanted for a year now. It was stolen today too. I had my car for 4 hours. FML

by stolen-car / 06/25/2012 at 10:55pm / United States (South Carolina) / Money

Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a poop in the background. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2012 at 1:12pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I didn't even bother to turn my cellphone off in a movie theater because I knew no one would text me or call. FML

by Rick / 05/22/2012 at 7:02am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

by cockblocked / 05/11/2012 at 2:29pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

by potatoebee / 04/03/2012 at 2:19pm / United States (South Carolina) / Kids

Today, I was at a restaurant, and I saw my friend. When we made eye contact, I made a creepy face at her and twitched my arms to make her laugh. A woman looked over said sadly, "Oh my God, that poor girl!" She thought I was "special." FML

by thatswhatsup66 / 03/20/2012 at 3:01pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He let me know by shaving "CYA" into my dog's fur and then moving out before I got home from work. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 2:26pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love