FMLs submitted from South Carolina

Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I want to start working out and get rid of my holiday weight. His response? "Okay, just don't join a gym. People will have to see you there." FML

by fat / 01/07/2014 at 7:41am / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, my boyfriend told me that we need to talk. I think he dumped me, but I'm not sure, because he muttered it in Russian and quickly left. FML

by RustyRuski / 12/29/2013 at 5:58pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

by hi Mum / 12/11/2013 at 2:59pm / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, after just having used the bathroom, my ring fell in the toilet. After stealthily removing it with a toothbrush, I went to go wash it in the sink. It then fell down the drain. FML

by LizGo / 11/17/2013 at 1:00am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I created a poster trying to raise self-harm awareness in teens for my school. They sent me to the counselor, suspended me, and recommended I go to therapy. FML

by SassyBasher / 10/17/2013 at 8:14pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML

by jnisla / 10/11/2013 at 6:44pm / United States (South Carolina) / Health

Today, I placed a Bible app next to an app I use for porn, in the hope that it will encourage me to watch less porn. I'm a girl. FML

by lilly1105 / 07/15/2013 at 9:19am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, we started our 17 hour drive to Michigan for spring break. My mom decided to go to Target to buy some music CDs. All she bought was three Nicki Minaj CDs. She has already replayed the first CD four times. 14 hours to go. FML

by :( / 03/19/2013 at 4:12pm / United States (South Carolina) / Holidays

Today, I'm so broke after paying my bills, that I resorted to eating plain garlic butter from the pizzeria down the street for lunch. The worst part: to get the butter, I stormed in and angrily complained, saying they forgot to give it to me. I never even ordered a pizza. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 6:03pm / United States (South Carolina) / Money

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

by peace out / 03/05/2013 at 3:19pm / United States (South Carolina) / Kids

Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML

by tax-man / 03/01/2013 at 9:35pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on my way to the movies, I stopped at a gas station to pick up candy so I could avoid the high prices at the movies. The guy who tore my ticket asked for my purse, confiscated my candy, and then kicked me out of the movie theater. That guy was my boyfriend. FML

by Cheyennereed / 02/17/2013 at 10:50am / United States (South Carolina) / Love