FMLs submitted from Rhode Island

Today, at work, I was calling customers to tell them that they had prescriptions waiting to be picked up. It was a long list and every time I reached an answering machine I left our number so they could call us back. When I was finished, the pharmacist told me I been giving out our fax number. FML

by pharmn00b / 07/08/2009 at 1:52pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

by notinflammable / 06/27/2009 at 12:41am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, my brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000. The gift was a trip to London in August to see a show on Michael Jackson's comeback tour. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2009 at 10:31am / United States (Rhode Island) / Holidays

Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

by LadyChristina25 / 06/04/2009 at 9:07pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

by Imretarded / 05/24/2009 at 1:18am / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a bike ride when a bug flew into my eye. Not wanting to stop, I figured I would just keep that eye closed until I could cry it out. Five seconds later, a bug flew into my other eye. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2009 at 1:17am / United States (Rhode Island) / Transportation

Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML

by PetitPrincePerdu / 05/07/2009 at 8:42pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Kids

Today, I used the bathroom on a bus from New York to Boston, and carefully covered the seat with twenty of the single-square toilet paper rations. As I was peeing, the bus flew over a bump and swerved sharply, and my entire naked bottom was splashed with urine and poop. It wasn't my own. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2009 at 2:27am / United States (Rhode Island) / Transportation

Today, I was out shopping for bras. While in one store, I couldn't seem to find any in my size. When I asked an employee for help, they took one look at my chest and said "Mabye you should try our girls section, we have a lot of training bras." I'm 25. FML

by blahhhh / 04/09/2009 at 6:47am / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the gym with two of my friends expecting to pay a guest fee but the cute guy working at the front desk let me in for free. On the way out after working out I started to flirt with him and he said "Don't flatter yourself, I just let you in because I'm lazy." FML

by sarah_sad / 03/24/2009 at 9:48pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled 'what's a clit'? Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when i got home. FML

by danmarino / 03/09/2009 at 7:29pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around. I was sitting up on my bed when he reached down near my privates and said, "Wow babe, did you shave today? It's so soft..." He was actually touching my bottom roll above my vagina which delightfully formed a crease. FML

by sopathetic / 02/25/2009 at 11:09pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, I ran up to my boyfriend and gave him a kiss. I didn't understand why the girl next to him got upset, but it turns out the voicemail I deleted by accident was him breaking up with me. FML

by Kfeaaa / 02/23/2009 at 9:31pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love