FMLs submitted from Rhode Island

Today, I once again walked in on my husband eating our cat's food. FML

by jsmills92 / 12/20/2012 at 7:26pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked a girl in my building out. She said yes, and told me her fee per hour. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2012 at 7:15pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, my boyfriend got a new tattoo. It was a big tattoo of Pikachu on his hip. I told him now I'd feel like I was having sex with an 8-year-old boy. His defense? "No, no, think of it as having sex with Pikachu!" He still refuses to understand why that's weird. FML

by Kat / 08/30/2012 at 9:08pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML

by ihateveganism / 08/22/2012 at 12:19am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, after a busy afternoon taking care of the kids, I was feeling really down about only being a mom these days, and I was hoping my husband would make me feel better when he got off work. In the middle of cuddling, he called me "mom." FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2012 at 4:34pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I made my friends and family laugh by trying to put on costume glasses with a giant super-sized nose attached to them. They laughed hysterically. Not because of the gigantic nose, but because my real nose was radically bigger and the fake one wouldn't fit over it. FML

by MobPerfect / 05/11/2012 at 9:24am / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was confirmed that the "no pet rule" in my apartment complex is so strict that I'm not even allowed to have sea monkeys. FML

by Monkeyless / 05/01/2012 at 11:59pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Animals

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

by unfriendlyskies / 04/02/2012 at 7:40pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Money

Today, I accidentally left my cell phone at the restaurant. When I realized my mistake, I went back to see if anyone had found it. They said no, so I gave them my number to call if it turned up. I realized later that I'd given them my cell phone number. FML

by queenbee12345678 / 02/19/2012 at 2:29pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML

by Bruce / 02/01/2012 at 10:11pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Kids

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2012 at 11:45am / United States (Rhode Island) / Health

Today, I'm spending time with my granny, with whom I'm supposed to live with for a few weeks. I've noticed that she repeats the last word of every sentence I say, and now I'm wondering how it's possible for me to now be so horrible that I want to punch a sweet 92-year-old lady in the head. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2011 at 9:09pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML

by ThisBlows / 09/21/2011 at 1:20pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy