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FMLs submitted from Queensland

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

#20115322
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29353) - you deserved it (3655)

On 10/13/2012 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was placed firmly in the friend-zone. By my wife. We've been married 10 years. She doesn't want a divorce, she says it'd be too "time-consuming." FML

#20111577
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29833) - you deserved it (2182)

On 10/11/2012 at 1:56am - love - by agh marriage (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29059) - you deserved it (4846)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML

#20089229
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19223) - you deserved it (2399)

On 09/26/2012 at 5:06am - love - by Popscene (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

#20084743
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18690) - you deserved it (2192)

On 09/23/2012 at 7:11am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on one of my little black dresses and heels. He wanted to "see what the fuss was about." I would have been angry if the sight of him dressed like this hadn't turned me on more than he ever has in the 3 years we've been dating. FML

#20080101
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27570) - you deserved it (5472)

On 09/19/2012 at 11:09pm - intimacy - by ClaireBear150 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was cycling with my uncle and became increasingly frustrated as we got further and further from our intended destination. It took me a while to figure out that I had somehow lost my uncle and was following a complete stranger. FML

#20066014
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9889) - you deserved it (22813)

On 09/10/2012 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my grandpa was visiting. My neighbors started blasting out rap music, as they've done nearly 24/7 for months, telling me to fuck off when I complain. He went over and screamed he'd gut them like fish if they didn't pipe down. They did. He's 68 and still more intimidating than me. FML

#20062193
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21994) - you deserved it (4531)

On 09/07/2012 at 6:59pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. They jokingly asked me if I was only with him for his money. I didn't hear them properly so I just smiled and nodded. They now think I'm a gold digging bitch. FML

#20060240
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22967) - you deserved it (9363)

On 09/06/2012 at 8:46am - love - by Ashley - Australia (Queensland)

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML

#20051466
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26351) - you deserved it (2140)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML

#20016514
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21051) - you deserved it (2104)

On 08/12/2012 at 5:23am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML

#20014116
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30924) - you deserved it (2130)

On 08/10/2012 at 8:45pm - health - by dumbasdogshit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my new roommate woke me up at noon to bitch about my "selfish sleeping habits" and how they ruin her ability to invite anyone over. I work the graveyard shift at the hospital. FML

#19828906
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25618) - you deserved it (1747)

On 06/22/2012 at 12:14pm - work - by lynn (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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