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FMLs submitted from Queensland

Today, I told my coworkers that I was going on a date tonight so they would think I have a social life. One of them spotted me while I was eating alone at McDonalds. FML

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML

#20899471
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67014) - you deserved it (7801)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by :( (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my mum dismissed my diagnosed schizophrenia as "too much time with those earphones in". FML

#20897726
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42072) - you deserved it (3318)

On 09/27/2013 at 3:56am - health - by awkwardology - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my two closest friends declared that they hated each other. They're my bridesmaids. The wedding is in three weeks. FML

#20878136
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46172) - you deserved it (3725)

On 09/12/2013 at 8:39am - misc - by SadFace (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I announced my engagement. My mother's response was to freak out and demand that I postpone my wedding indefinitely. Why? My younger sister caught the bouquet at a wedding last year, so "she has to get married first!" My sister has been single for 3 years and showers once a week. FML

#20858539
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52019) - you deserved it (2798)

On 08/28/2013 at 10:21pm - love - by marryinghimanyway (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

#20858245
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60667) - you deserved it (4820)

On 08/28/2013 at 6:35pm - love - by Thanks everyone (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after spending the weekend together, my ex turned nasty. I finally had the balls to tell him what a cruel asshole I think he is and really hit him where it hurts. I felt very empowered and strong. That is, until I realized I left my favourite and rather expensive jacket in his apartment. FML

#20854612
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40697) - you deserved it (16056)

On 08/26/2013 at 12:52am - love - by scorned_jacketless_lady (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML

#20842873
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52231) - you deserved it (2951)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:43am - work - by sweet23 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found a topless photo of my mother on my phone. Thanks, iCloud. FML

#20818189
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51340) - you deserved it (4853)

On 08/03/2013 at 2:46am - misc - by fsdjhgasjlhg (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out that I'd been wrong to constantly accuse next door's cat of peeing on my car every night. It was actually my 16-year-old son. FML

#20772121
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50178) - you deserved it (6895)

On 07/09/2013 at 9:35am - kids - by thecathater (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush to a movie. What I didn't realise is that she would bring a "friend" along, and that I would have to sit next to them making out for 2 hours. FML

#20772026
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56797) - you deserved it (4673)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:05am - love - by thirdwheel - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while using a urinal in a very busy mall bathroom, another man unzipped his pants and attempted to use the same one as me. FML

#20751757
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52951) - you deserved it (3046)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:16am - health - by not cool (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, whilst waiting tables at work, I served a young couple the milkshakes they had ordered. The woman at the next table verbally abused me for "teasing" her screaming sons with "unhealthy foods". FML

#20745796
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46068) - you deserved it (2656)

On 06/25/2013 at 1:24am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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