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FMLs submitted from Queensland

Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML

#1449103
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43534) - you deserved it (5608)

On 04/29/2009 at 4:06am - health - by Jake (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair. I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML

#965793
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78635) - you deserved it (3033)

On 04/14/2009 at 7:18am - work - by hcfan (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was fooling around with someone I had met at a club, in my room. It got really heated, and I was really getting into this guy, until he lifts up my leg and asks "Can I lick your leg?" FML

#898181
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54071) - you deserved it (21916)

On 04/10/2009 at 5:43am - intimacy - by cherry (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while working at a Subway store right next to a big hospital, there was a big line of people all getting their subs toasted. Without turning around, I asked the next person in line, "I'll bet you want yours extra toasted?" She was a burns victim from the hospital. FML

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

#280211
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33122) - you deserved it (96545)

On 03/12/2009 at 8:07am - health - by lolzor (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

#250417
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24540) - you deserved it (87588)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:35am - intimacy - by Ethan (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my Grandma was showing me an ancient family letter. It was apparently written by someone historically famous. She was going on about how important it was, in such good condition too, worth a lot. I dropped my glass of juice. It spilt all over it. FML

#101667
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17750) - you deserved it (41657)

On 02/22/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by damn-it (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML

#35910
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27367) - you deserved it (34744)

On 02/13/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by Kulcha (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I am staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

#4977
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37204) - you deserved it (2120)

On 02/01/2009 at 7:43pm - intimacy - by epistaxis - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML

#3221
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29786) - you deserved it (3252)

On 01/28/2009 at 9:31pm - intimacy - by epistaxis - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was offered a promotion but for the same pay. Promotion... WTF? FML

#2234
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21158) - you deserved it (1828)

On 01/22/2009 at 5:35pm - work - by Promo girl - Australia (Queensland)

Today, it's my birthday but I had to go to work. I catch the train and I am forced to sit next to this weird smelly dude who jumps off one stop before mine. A little old lady jumps on so I shuffle over so she can sit down with ease. Upon exiting the train i notice my pants are wet with smelly dude's piss. FML

#1978
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23808) - you deserved it (1700)

On 01/21/2009 at 2:25am - work - by fr1day - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I sliced my arm open on the weekend, patched it with a fabric bandaid. Had an allergic reaction to the bandaid, arm now swollen, blistering and keeping-me-awake itchy. Pharmacist's advice? "Oooh, that looks bad. Better put a bandaid on that." FML

#1959
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23653) - you deserved it (1924)

On 01/20/2009 at 8:08pm - health - by sore - Australia (Queensland)



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