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FMLs submitted from Queensland

Today, my boss sent out an email with the subject line "Urgent". He accidentally left the body of the email blank. I replied to all staff "You're firing blanks Peter". I later heard that his wife once got drunk and told everyone that they couldn't have kids because he has a low sperm count. FML

#3949208
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37345) - you deserved it (10271)

On 07/22/2009 at 4:16am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML

#3852842
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52259) - you deserved it (9407)

On 07/18/2009 at 6:48am - misc - by fartypeepee (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, on the train home, two drunk guys decided to sit next to me and make casual conversation. This was fine until one decided to take a drink from his beer. While he did, he sneezed in my face. I still smell like beer. FML

Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they blow out the candles and the girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight". The guy next to me was her dad. FML

#2713232
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14329) - you deserved it (84168)

On 06/08/2009 at 6:39am - intimacy - by baller (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered in my wifes ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud because I was embarrassing her. FML

#2654744
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41019) - you deserved it (6274)

On 06/06/2009 at 6:24am - love - by Discostu80 - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year finally told me he loved me. This revelation was quickly followed by "at least, I think this is how people feel when they say that." FML

#2526710
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41201) - you deserved it (4757)

On 06/02/2009 at 7:05am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML

#2428701
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55202) - you deserved it (19448)

On 05/30/2009 at 10:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I spent 3 hours making a birthday card for my boyfriend, delicately cutting each letter out of printed coloured paper. He used it as a coffee coaster. FML

#2138443
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44706) - you deserved it (7786)

On 05/21/2009 at 5:11am - love - by astraboy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML

#1449103
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44632) - you deserved it (5734)

On 04/29/2009 at 4:06am - health - by Jake (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair. I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML

#965793
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78825) - you deserved it (3046)

On 04/14/2009 at 7:18am - work - by hcfan (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was fooling around with someone I had met at a club, in my room. It got really heated, and I was really getting into this guy, until he lifts up my leg and asks "Can I lick your leg?" FML

#898181
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54207) - you deserved it (21952)

On 04/10/2009 at 5:43am - intimacy - by cherry (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while working at a Subway store right next to a big hospital, there was a big line of people all getting their subs toasted. Without turning around, I asked the next person in line, "I'll bet you want yours extra toasted?" She was a burns victim from the hospital. FML

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

#280211
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33212) - you deserved it (96828)

On 03/12/2009 at 8:07am - health - by lolzor (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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