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FMLs submitted from Queensland

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

#4803927
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14037) - you deserved it (58082)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by damnit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my mother and father are insisting that I go on a date with a German exchange student they met on the weekend. Why? Because we have similar glasses. FML

#4756987
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32018) - you deserved it (3402)

On 08/23/2009 at 9:29am - love - by Foureyes (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was trying to get money out of an ATM. It gave me twenty dollars short, so I started hitting it and kicking it, just as the Chubb security guys came up to refill it. I got tazered. Twice. FML

#4595424
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20700) - you deserved it (42211)

On 08/17/2009 at 6:42am - money - by SnakeEyes (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, at the breakfast table my mum asked me what I thought about the plumber who came to our place a couple of weeks ago. I told her that I thought he was really cute and how hard I tried to flirt with him, she nodded and told me that he is her new boyfriend and might move in with us soon. FML

#4468950
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43920) - you deserved it (5281)

On 08/12/2009 at 3:39am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML

#4227186
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41956) - you deserved it (10997)

On 08/02/2009 at 9:40am - misc - by soembarrassed (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my mum deleted my college research assignment on rape because the subject was too vulgar. I had worked on it for the past month and it was worth 50% of my grade. It's due tomorrow. FML

#4192462
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62905) - you deserved it (4006)

On 07/31/2009 at 9:51pm - work - by mandy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was in the living room with my brother and his two older, hot friends when my mother walks out from the toilet and tells me, "Honey, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie." Need I say more? FML

#3949576
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46279) - you deserved it (15532)

On 07/22/2009 at 5:48am - misc - by Mortified (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boss sent out an email with the subject line "Urgent". He accidentally left the body of the email blank. I replied to all staff "You're firing blanks Peter". I later heard that his wife once got drunk and told everyone that they couldn't have kids because he has a low sperm count. FML

#3949208
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36592) - you deserved it (10051)

On 07/22/2009 at 4:16am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML

#3852842
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52169) - you deserved it (9396)

On 07/18/2009 at 6:48am - misc - by fartypeepee (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, on the train home, two drunk guys decided to sit next to me and make casual conversation. This was fine until one decided to take a drink from his beer. While he did, he sneezed in my face. I still smell like beer. FML

Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they blow out the candles and the girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight". The guy next to me was her dad. FML

#2713232
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14279) - you deserved it (84004)

On 06/08/2009 at 6:39am - intimacy - by baller (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered in my wifes ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud because I was embarrassing her. FML

#2654744
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40934) - you deserved it (6260)

On 06/06/2009 at 6:24am - love - by Discostu80 - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year finally told me he loved me. This revelation was quickly followed by "at least, I think this is how people feel when they say that." FML

#2526710
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41105) - you deserved it (4752)

On 06/02/2009 at 7:05am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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