FMLs submitted from Queensland

Today, I was in a car with my house-mate and friends after a long day of studying, when we pulled up at our place. Thinking that we were all going to hang there, I waited for everyone to start getting out. No one did. Turns out they were just waiting for me to get out so they could then leave and go out together. FML

by Unwanted / 06/10/2010 at 8:54am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my two friends and I went to the movies. One of my friends brought my crush. They started making out, leaning over the armrest, until they were practically in my lap. Saliva got on my arm. FML

by someoneelsessaliva / 06/05/2010 at 2:59am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, my fiancé admitted to me that he only found big girls attractive, and that's why he could never cheat on me with my friends. FML

by Anonymous / 05/31/2010 at 8:14am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML

by Oops / 05/23/2010 at 5:21am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I hadn't been out in two weeks, and I was looking forward to going to the beach with my friends. Instead, I rear-ended someone at a roundabout and had to go home. FML

by CARnage / 05/21/2010 at 6:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full of calories." FML

by Rowden / 04/26/2010 at 5:58am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2010 at 6:00am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend who recently cheated on me and broke up with me for another girl, has herpes. Guess how I found out? FML

by cheated / 03/11/2010 at 7:50am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I found out the hard way that my girlfriend lied about being on the pill four months ago. FML

by Daddy. / 02/17/2010 at 3:15am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I were out shopping. As he was trying on shirts, I told him that the particular shirt he was wearing looked ugly. He turned around, sighed, and said "You think? Well, your face is ugly, but you don't see me complaining about it." He was serious. FML

by AnnaNick / 02/13/2010 at 9:19pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML

by utensils123 / 02/09/2010 at 1:40am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. My mother turned to me and said, "Wait you're actually gay? I thought you were just saying that to piss off your father." I came out to her when I was 16, and have confided in her about my past relationships. FML

by EchoDearEcho / 02/04/2010 at 9:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I ran into my ex's family, and found out they are going to Europe. Funnily enough, so am I. Even funnier is the fact that we are going on the same date, at the same time, on the same flights, and the tour starts on the same day in the same place. FML

by jacques / 02/02/2010 at 9:08am / Australia (Queensland) / Holidays