FMLs submitted from Queensland

Today, my mother-in-law thought it would be appropriate to give my five-year-old daughter some bedclothes with the Playboy logo all over them. FML

by Joanne / 02/24/2012 at 8:26am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, I came back from a holiday and the friend who'd been looking after my cats returned my spare key. When I wanted to put some relaxing music on, I noticed that he'd switched most of my CDs around in their cases. I have over a thousand of them. Very funny, thanks. FML

by Veryfunny / 02/23/2012 at 6:52pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into two things. The first was a spiderweb. The second, due to blind panic, was oncoming traffic. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2012 at 7:39am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend's kid chased me with a rusty, sharp tent peg and threatened to kill me. When I finally got him to calm down he ran off to his room. Later, I found the tent peg under his pillow with a note that said my name. My friend thinks it's hilarious. I am staying here for a week. FML

by FuckLife / 02/11/2012 at 8:41am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, I actually took pleasure in sniffing my armpits after 2 days of not showering. FML

by Anon / 01/12/2012 at 8:34am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, my dad took me to the 'Super Butcher'. It's basically a warehouse turned into a giant, walk-in meat freezer, complete with headless pig carcasses. I'm a vegetarian. FML

by frostedmist / 12/14/2011 at 3:49am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML

by Jane / 11/24/2011 at 8:57am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, my neighbours watched and laughed as I chased my dog around the lawn, trying to rescue the only clean pair of underwear I had in my house. FML

by Doggy... / 11/10/2011 at 12:56am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding". This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML

by -__- / 10/28/2011 at 7:50am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm hiding in my own house, because my crazy neighbor wants to "play." Yesterday when I agreed, she made me spend the whole day with her, then burst into tears when I had to leave. She's been waiting outside for over two hours. FML

by pretty_coin / 10/22/2011 at 9:02pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML

by Cats...FML / 10/17/2011 at 7:46am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, my boyfriend asked my father for permission to marry me. My father refused, on the basis that I'm the only person in the house with a job, and if I leave he will have to start looking for work. My boyfriend won't marry me without his permission, and my lazy father won't change his mind. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2011 at 5:07am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my younger brother brought home his new bagpipes. My older brother plays the drums. I'm currently preparing to sit the most important exams of my schooling life. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2011 at 8:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous