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FMLs submitted from Queensland

Today, my parents made a game out of deliberately walking in when I'm trying to masturbate. They even turn on all the hot water taps when I'm trying to do it in the shower. FML

#21115891
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46771) - you deserved it (18086)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was babysitting my 4-month-old niece at the park, when a woman came up to me and said, "Don't worry, dear. You'll get your figure back soon." FML

#21098912
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38989) - you deserved it (4252)

On 03/28/2014 at 10:07pm - misc - by notamum (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, four days after making a $100 bet with my balding, pedo-stache wearing dad over who could get a girlfriend first, he came home and introduced me to his new girlfriend. FML

#21087465
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36814) - you deserved it (9996)

On 03/15/2014 at 5:02pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

#21060455
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43177) - you deserved it (7720)

On 02/14/2014 at 4:23pm - love - by fuck you right back, cockspit (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I logged into my bank account and started crying. Not because of the balance, but because the password is my anniversary with my ex, and it's the only reminder I have of happy days in my life. FML

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

#21049132
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41047) - you deserved it (3807)

On 02/03/2014 at 8:29am - health - by Sleepless (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, it's my 8 year anniversary. My boyfriend's "romantic" gesture for the occasion was to toss a few McDonald's coupons at me and tell me to get whatever I wanted. FML

#21044284
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43505) - you deserved it (6757)

On 01/29/2014 at 4:28pm - love - by CUNTCUNTCUNT (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML

#21035253
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43084) - you deserved it (5527)

On 01/21/2014 at 5:27pm - health - by cuntocracy (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

#21025234
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55986) - you deserved it (5628)

On 01/12/2014 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. Every 20 minutes or so, I'll get a notification that I have a new message, and I check it just to find that same message sitting there. I'm being trolled by my own phone. FML

#21012505
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43422) - you deserved it (3644)

On 01/01/2014 at 2:49am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my mother was reading an annual Christmas letter from an old university friend. When she remarked that she could have married him instead of my father, I replied that she wouldn't have had me then. She then said, "Exactly, I could have had his daughter instead." FML

#21002184
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43388) - you deserved it (3614)

On 12/23/2013 at 5:44am - kids - by rejected (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, rather than buying one pork chop big enough for myself, I bought two smaller chops just so the cashier wouldn't think I was eating by myself. FML

#20996744
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35536) - you deserved it (7787)

On 12/18/2013 at 4:30am - love - by LonelyPorkChop - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my fiancée broke up with me over text message while I was away for work. She later posted photos of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, while still wearing my engagement ring. FML

#20972059
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50998) - you deserved it (2705)

On 11/27/2013 at 12:51am - love - by grantsidiots - Australia (Queensland)



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