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FMLs submitted from Queensland

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

#21231545
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44450) - you deserved it (3852)

On 08/07/2014 at 5:09am - intimacy - by failallday (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got sent to the head teacher's office for doing "stupid hand gestures and disrupting the class". Yesterday my teacher told the class to do the same hand gesture to ask for permission to go to the toilet so it wouldn't interrupt her talking. FML

#21226435
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39691) - you deserved it (2953)

On 08/01/2014 at 1:24am - misc - by Bad Teacher - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

#21219985
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18288) - you deserved it (48387)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:05am - animals - by fuckendog (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML

#21211381
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36233) - you deserved it (17589)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:31pm - misc - by happypineapple - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

#21210892
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51485) - you deserved it (3576)

On 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm - kids - by fuck you, kid (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML

#21163612
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41254) - you deserved it (4323)

On 06/05/2014 at 4:11am - work - by unashamed - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

#21142112
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47844) - you deserved it (13582)

On 05/16/2014 at 6:25pm - intimacy - by wtf (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

#21124489
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37261) - you deserved it (4677)

On 04/27/2014 at 4:51pm - misc - by joe rogan fucking sucks, dude (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, when I went to the shopping centre, the automatic door wouldn't open for me. I had to stand there and wait until someone else walked by to open it for me. I suffer from dwarfism and this is a daily occurrence. FML

#21118654
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52480) - you deserved it (4004)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:11am - misc - by shorty (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my parents made a game out of deliberately walking in when I'm trying to masturbate. They even turn on all the hot water taps when I'm trying to do it in the shower. FML

#21115891
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47253) - you deserved it (18185)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was babysitting my 4-month-old niece at the park, when a woman came up to me and said, "Don't worry, dear. You'll get your figure back soon." FML

#21098912
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39417) - you deserved it (4292)

On 03/28/2014 at 10:07pm - misc - by notamum (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, four days after making a $100 bet with my balding, pedo-stache wearing dad over who could get a girlfriend first, he came home and introduced me to his new girlfriend. FML

#21087465
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37656) - you deserved it (10273)

On 03/15/2014 at 5:02pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

#21060455
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43758) - you deserved it (7788)

On 02/14/2014 at 4:23pm - love - by fuck you right back, cockspit (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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