FMLs submitted from Queensland

Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2016 at 8:22am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML

by tingleballs / 04/28/2016 at 10:57am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, my roommate played a crazy April Fool's joke on me by not paying his rent this month. Good one. FML

by mackamuir / 04/01/2016 at 9:01am / Australia (Queensland) / Money

Today, my best friend finally broke up with her knob of a boyfriend. This would be great except now my boyfriend of two years has broken up with me because she's finally single. She introduced us. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2016 at 9:54pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I found out that my CEO knows my name, when she followed me into the bathroom and called it out in a disgusted tone when I farted so loudly, she could hear it from four stalls over. FML

by missmcfarty / 03/31/2016 at 9:42pm / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I checked my Tumblr account to see if anyone had commented on the photos of my new tattoo. There were only 3 posts, and 2 of them were people linking it to "Awful Tattoo" blogs. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2016 at 2:00am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, for my birthday my friend bought me a book on how to lose weight. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2016 at 4:25am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I talked to my high school sweetheart after 12 years. He confessed that he's been single ever since we broke up, never got over me, and that to this day he loves me dearly. I'm a married mother of two. FML

by :/ / 03/12/2016 at 6:36am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I was given a $100 cookbook as a gift by a co-worker. The man who shares a desk with me didn't realise it was mine, as he was at lunch when I got it, so he decided to give it to my boss when he walked in. My boss is refusing to return it. FML

by Kaylz / 03/06/2016 at 11:35pm / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, after meticulously rereading my application, merging references, budgets, academic transcripts and itineraries for an amazing scholarship, I clicked submit, only to remember that the system was on Daylight Savings time, which we don't have in my state! I missed out on $2,500 by 3 minutes. FML

by PoorForever / 02/28/2016 at 8:53am / Australia (Queensland) / Money

Today, I went to visit my dad for the first time in over a year, as I have been studying for my Master's degree in history halfway across the world. The first thing he said to me? "So, gotten a real job yet?" FML

by Anonymous / 02/26/2016 at 3:37am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cuddling with the man I've been seeing, and he started caressing the mammoth of all pimples on my back. He continued fondling me while lecturing me on the dangers of skin cancer. FML

by tooembarrassed / 02/12/2016 at 10:13am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, I worked up the confidence to go to the mall alone for the first time since being confined to a wheelchair. It didn't even take 20 minutes before some teenager grabbed my wheelchair and tried to race me around, all while his friends watched and laughed. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2016 at 3:08pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health