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FMLs submitted from Queensland

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

#21219985
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16978) - you deserved it (44551)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:05am - animals - by fuckendog (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML

#21211381
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35689) - you deserved it (17394)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:31pm - misc - by happypineapple - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

#21210892
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49298) - you deserved it (3340)

On 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm - kids - by fuck you, kid (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML

#21163612
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41147) - you deserved it (4313)

On 06/05/2014 at 4:11am - work - by unashamed - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

#21142112
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44902) - you deserved it (12704)

On 05/16/2014 at 6:25pm - intimacy - by wtf (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

#21124489
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36508) - you deserved it (4568)

On 04/27/2014 at 4:51pm - misc - by joe rogan fucking sucks, dude (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, when I went to the shopping centre, the automatic door wouldn't open for me. I had to stand there and wait until someone else walked by to open it for me. I suffer from dwarfism and this is a daily occurrence. FML

#21118654
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51912) - you deserved it (3962)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:11am - misc - by shorty (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my parents made a game out of deliberately walking in when I'm trying to masturbate. They even turn on all the hot water taps when I'm trying to do it in the shower. FML

#21115891
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46384) - you deserved it (18018)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was babysitting my 4-month-old niece at the park, when a woman came up to me and said, "Don't worry, dear. You'll get your figure back soon." FML

#21098912
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38782) - you deserved it (4232)

On 03/28/2014 at 10:07pm - misc - by notamum (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, four days after making a $100 bet with my balding, pedo-stache wearing dad over who could get a girlfriend first, he came home and introduced me to his new girlfriend. FML

#21087465
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36762) - you deserved it (9985)

On 03/15/2014 at 5:02pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

#21060455
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43135) - you deserved it (7717)

On 02/14/2014 at 4:23pm - love - by fuck you right back, cockspit (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I logged into my bank account and started crying. Not because of the balance, but because the password is my anniversary with my ex, and it's the only reminder I have of happy days in my life. FML

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

#21049132
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41022) - you deserved it (3806)

On 02/03/2014 at 8:29am - health - by Sleepless (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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