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FMLs submitted from Queensland

Today, a guy told me I "kind of look like a girl" if he looked at me from the right angle. Well, I am a girl, and this is the closest thing to a compliment that I've gotten in years. FML

Today, I found out I'm allergic to bug repellent. So instead of having a couple of itchy bug bites, my skin feels like it's on fire and is violently itchy everywhere the repellent has touched. FML

#21260387
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32516) - you deserved it (2462)

On 09/18/2014 at 12:05am - health - by adamwilcockson - Australia (Queensland)

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

#21244302
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37798) - you deserved it (5022)

On 08/24/2014 at 8:40am - animals - by abusedparrot - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML

#21243022
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40438) - you deserved it (4650)

On 08/22/2014 at 8:05am - work - by haileelouxxx (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML

#21236025
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41174) - you deserved it (8842)

On 08/12/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by facefuckedguy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

#21232277
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46311) - you deserved it (4026)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:05am - intimacy - by pocketrocket90 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

#21231545
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44071) - you deserved it (3845)

On 08/07/2014 at 5:09am - intimacy - by failallday (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got sent to the head teacher's office for doing "stupid hand gestures and disrupting the class". Yesterday my teacher told the class to do the same hand gesture to ask for permission to go to the toilet so it wouldn't interrupt her talking. FML

#21226435
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38665) - you deserved it (2686)

On 08/01/2014 at 1:24am - misc - by Bad Teacher - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

#21219985
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18262) - you deserved it (48292)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:05am - animals - by fuckendog (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML

#21211381
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36201) - you deserved it (17571)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:31pm - misc - by happypineapple - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

#21210892
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51379) - you deserved it (3570)

On 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm - kids - by fuck you, kid (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML

#21163612
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41217) - you deserved it (4320)

On 06/05/2014 at 4:11am - work - by unashamed - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

#21142112
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45721) - you deserved it (12826)

On 05/16/2014 at 6:25pm - intimacy - by wtf (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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