Today, my 5 year old lactose intolerant daughter decided to have some chocolate. The result: me cleaning the bathroom walls at 3am, finishing at 4:30am, and then start cleaning again at 5am when her stomach contents decided I had missed a spot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14615) - you totally deserved it (1515)
On 11/18/2009 at 3:43am - kids - by Widespread (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I parked my convertible in the 5 minute bay at the post office in the city. When I came back out I realized there was a bum in the driver's seat pretending to drive it. After shouting at him and pulling him out he stumbled off. I then got a ticket for being parked longer than 5 minutes. FML
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On 11/15/2009 at 1:08am - love - by John (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, we got our results for our final grade English paper on which I worked my butt off on, and also which I let my best-friend copy off from. I received a E- and two detentions for plagiarism. My friend got a A minus. All she said was "oh well, at least you tried your best". FML
I agree, your life sucks (6938) - you totally deserved it (26702)
On 11/09/2009 at 5:27am - misc - by fuck_thisshit (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "its disturbing how good you are at that". FML
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On 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, a customer complimented me on how good I looked for my age. She thought I was in my forties. I'm 18. FML
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On 11/05/2009 at 10:29pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML
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On 10/30/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by seriousdubsteplover (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I discovered that I needed to reapply for my job in order to have a chance at keeping it. The applications closed yesterday. FML
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On 10/26/2009 at 5:37pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was tinting my own eyelashes when I missed my eyelashes and stabbed myself in the eye with the applicator loaded with dye. Now, I have beautiful lush black eyelashes, to match my half closed swollen red left eye. Sexy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6680) - you totally deserved it (13632)
On 10/22/2009 at 6:22pm - health - by Bunni (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I missed my University entrance exam because of heavy traffic. I was stuck at one intersection for over an hour. The real kicker? It took me less than 10 minutes to drive home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19232) - you totally deserved it (1453)
On 10/22/2009 at 9:11am - misc - by roadrage (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5026) - you totally deserved it (824)
On 10/18/2009 at 7:29am - intimacy - by Ignitingmylightsaber (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I went to my company's HR manager to ask what the procedure was to file a sexual harassment complaint since my boss exposed himself to me. His response was that the procedure is to "get over it." And he went back to reading. FML
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On 10/18/2009 at 7:14am - work - by dyingtinkerbell (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I told a lady that came into my clothing store that I thought her abstract looking necklace was pretty. She responded, "Oh... Thats actually a pipe that goes into my lung." FML
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On 10/17/2009 at 4:45am - misc - by oopsjsp90 (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my parents met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. They not only brought along embarrassing childhood photos of myself, they'd 'accidentally' placed an intimate photo of me and my ex-girlfriend with them. That was their subtle way of telling everyone they prefer my ex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23240) - you totally deserved it (1314)
On 10/11/2009 at 7:25am - love - by hateparents (man) - Australia (Queensland)
