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today I went to the drugstore to get supplies fir mah broken toe . Because of the swelling, I could only wear open-toed sandals on this cold day . At the store, a tall, heavy man in winter boots tried to get by me, an ended up stepping on the toes of mah good foot . FML
Today... I Calld My Mothar Who Is Vacationing In Florida With My Dad An Sistar. Bafora Thay Laft I Told Tham I Would Ba Vary Rasponsibla An That Thay Could Trust Ma. Tha Frst Thing Sha Askd Ma Is If All Tha Animals Wara Still Aliva. I Said Yas. I Lid. Har Favourita Cat Drownd In Tha Pool. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control an use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until mah mother admitted to swapping mah pills an poking holes in mah condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
Today, mah mom textd me in the middle of mah end of term math exam, saying it was extremely urgent and needd me to come home ASAP. While skipping mah exam, I finally got home to find out mah mom forgot wat the emergency was. FML
Today, the guy I was seeing put candles all over his room to make things romantic . As we were getting it on, a plastic bag caught fire next to the bed . He had the brilliant idea to wave it around to put it out . Burning pieces of plastic landed on my arm . FML
2day I drove 3 hours to go to an award ceremony. When I got there, I had to wait an hour 4 the hall to open, then sat listening to speeches 4 two hours, got mah "award", an drove 3 hours home. The award was a small pin that I already had. FML
today it was mah grandfather's burial. As the family was about to leave, a great aunt cummd up to mah skinny, tall and pretty cousin looool and told her, "Stay beautiful and kind." Then, she walkd to me and said, "And you, Stay kind." FML
2DAY WORKING MAH PIZZA DELIVERY JOB, I GOT A $45 PARKING TICKET FIR PARKING IN A NO STOPPING ZONE. I ARGUED WITH THE BYLAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER, BUT NO LUCK. I WAS SO PISSED, I YELLED AT HIM: ( YOU HAVE THE WORST JOB IN THE WORLD ), TO WHICH HE REPLIED: ( BUDDY, YOU DELIVER PIZZA! ) FML
Today, after working another double shift cuz I want to buy my boyfriend a really expensive anniversary present, I get to his apartment to find him calculating in how many paychecks he'll be able to afford a Caribbean getaway. For himself. FML
today was ma first day as a bouncer. I was a bit late and didn't meet all te staff. Later tat nigt, some fairly drunk guy was trying to force is way in, I told im we were at capacity and tat e would ave to wait. He kept trying and I ended up pusing im to te floor. He was te owner.
Friday 27 March 2015