FMLs submitted from Quebec

Today, I was wanking and started thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2011 at 1:18am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, my dad came to pick me up early for the Christmas break. He walked in on me cleaning all 19 of my sex toys. That's more than one sex toy per year that I've lived. I now have to face a 7-hour drive from Montreal to Toronto with him. FML

by Une Fille / 12/18/2011 at 12:18am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

by scammed / 12/18/2011 at 12:18am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's cold and rainy. I would like nothing more than to drink hot chocolate and watch a movie with the woman I love; the same woman who cheated on me and took the TV with her when she left. FML

by toobad / 11/29/2011 at 2:29pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I couldn't tell her where the vitamins were in the pharmacy. The manager came and yelled at me for being lazy and incompetent. I work in the store across the street from the pharmacy. FML

by jodafish / 11/08/2011 at 12:45am / Canada (Quebec) / Work

Today, my sister had a friend for a sleepover. They filmed a video in which the friend was lying in my bed, singing. An hour after the girl went home, her parents called. She has lice, and had brought them to our house unknowingly. I can see each and every individual larva on my pillow. FML

by minder97 / 10/17/2011 at 12:04am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals

Today, I was kicked out of the mall along with a bunch of my friends, sworn at by the security guards, and personally escorted all the way to the sidewalk, only to find out we'd been mistaken for another group of people. FML

by -- / 10/15/2011 at 7:40pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, a woman came into my work and yelled at me because no one told her the cake she had bought the week before was made of ice cream. She'd hidden it in the cupboard and it melted. I work in Dairy Queen. FML

by ab / 10/09/2011 at 1:11am / Canada (Quebec) / Work

Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML

by hairless / 10/08/2011 at 11:53pm / Canada (Quebec) / Kids

Today, after a great treadmill run at my gym, I noticed a stain on my clothing. Apparently my nipple chafed so badly that it bled through my white t-shirt, and I'd walked around the gym completely oblivious. FML

by sorenips / 10/03/2011 at 7:19pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

by Jesus / 09/26/2011 at 10:03pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health

Today, my boyfriend showed me a YouTube video of him popping a huge blackhead on his forehead. He told me he had been "growing" it for more than 2 years now. I have been caressing and kissing that thing for almost 2 years because I thought it was a beauty mark. FML

by Yuuucky / 09/26/2011 at 12:58pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a violent allergic reaction to some bread I ate at a restaurant. How did they apologize? By sending me a free basket of bread. FML

by Eli / 09/19/2011 at 8:21pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health