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FMLs submitted from Quebec

Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML

#17659023
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13429) - you deserved it (45515)

On 09/04/2011 at 3:01am - intimacy - by Gurior (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML

#17651078
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8872) - you deserved it (38788)

On 09/03/2011 at 5:24am - misc - by ol faithful (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was in English when I had to use the bathroom. As I was signing out, the teacher said "Don't forget the hall pass!" It was a plunger. I have to walk across my school with a plunger. FML

#17645605
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25353) - you deserved it (4843)

On 09/02/2011 at 4:44pm - misc - by d0rk_ - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my boss contacted me to come in for a quick meeting. I drove 30 minutes to get to work only to find out she was firing me and wanted my key card back. FML

#16321332
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29197) - you deserved it (2671)

On 05/23/2011 at 11:19pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I walked in on my brother slipping into a pair of panties. Specifically, a pair of my panties. FML

#16161340
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43678) - you deserved it (3997)

On 05/13/2011 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by Uhmm... - Canada (Quebec)

Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML

#15937673
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14674) - you deserved it (24751)

On 04/26/2011 at 6:25pm - misc - by Jyocka (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense: "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML

#15203420
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28907) - you deserved it (10548)

On 03/05/2011 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

#14646268
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21948) - you deserved it (2832)

On 01/20/2011 at 1:01am - intimacy - by welly223 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

#14549895
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30944) - you deserved it (6031)

On 01/12/2011 at 12:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was in a dating auction. I was bought for $2. The man who won a date with me recited every dialog from the movie The Lord of the Rings. FML

#14175657
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29242) - you deserved it (7423)

On 12/12/2010 at 3:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I hit a patch of black ice and totaled my car. The car is a month old. For the next 5 years I'll be paying for a car I can't drive. FML

#14105918
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26286) - you deserved it (7804)

On 12/06/2010 at 9:51am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my boyfriend announced he has stopped wearing deodorant because he thinks his BO smells "manly." FML

#13991584
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29745) - you deserved it (3015)

On 11/26/2010 at 9:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML

#13753652
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26410) - you deserved it (4204)

On 11/07/2010 at 3:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)



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